


What the Heart Can't Forget

by Dev_Writes



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Amnesia, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Post-Season/Series 01, VictUuri, falling in love all over again, some minor yakov and yurio and mila and sara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-01-22 00:36:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 34,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12469560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dev_Writes/pseuds/Dev_Writes
Summary: Victor wanted to scream.  He wanted to cry.  He wanted to grab Yuuri by the shoulders and tell him over and over that he loved him with all his heart, that he would always love him no matter what happened.  But he couldn’t.  Because Yuuri didn’t remember him.





	1. Chapter 1

_“Yuuri, which color scheme looks best to you?”_

_Victor sat among a sea of paint samples, some of which were organized into groups to give him a sense of how the different colors looked together.  He was on the floor of their apartment in St. Petersburg, where he and his darling fiancé – the Living Legend and the Rising Star, as fans called them – had been living and training together.  Said fiancé was on the couch, his legs tucked underneath him and his hand absently stroking the fur of a content Makkachin._

_Yuuri glanced down at the clumps of colors, adjusting his glasses on his face._

_Victor was well aware that Yuuri was easily overwhelmed by the gigantic task that was wedding planning – that was made clear early on.  Nevertheless, Victor refused to leave him out of important decisions.  Ones such as tablecloth length and invitation designs.  And now, color scheme._

_Yuuri continued examining his options, and Victor couldn’t help but smile at the way his fiancé’s nose crinkled up in thought.  The late-afternoon sun lit up his face and cast a sheen on his dark hair, which fell into his eyes as he leaned down._

_“I like that one.”_

_Victor looked to where Yuuri was pointing.  He had chosen a soft palette of blue and cream, with a more vibrant (but not too bold) gold to accent it all.  Victor beamed.  “I like that one, too.  It reminds me of the ice.”_

_Yuuri smiled back at that, and Victor couldn’t help the butterflies that scattered through his chest at the sight.  He would never get used to that smile._

_Victor left his spot on the floor to join Yuuri on the couch, practically sitting in his lap. Yuuri laughed at his fiancé’s need to have such close proximity to him at all times, and he ran his fingers through Victor’s hair.  Victor hummed at the pleasant sensation._

_Makkachin, who seemed displeased by Victor distracting Yuuri from petting him, hopped off the couch and wandered into the kitchen._

_“I can’t believe I get to marry you,” Yuuri whispered._

_“Don’t be silly,” Victor said, taking Yuuri’s hand and pressing a kiss to the palm.  He grinned at the deep blush that spread across Yuuri’s cheeks.  “I’m the lucky one, here.”_

_Yuuri shook his head.  “No.  It’s me.”_

_“Don’t make me fight you, Katsuki,” Victor said with a raised eyebrow.  “This is an argument you won’t win.”_

_The laughter that came out of Yuuri’s mouth made Victor’s heart leap into his throat, and he leaned in to kiss him._

_The debate promptly ended.  And as he cradled Yuuri’s face and became lost in the feeling of his fiancé’s lips, all Victor could think about was how perfect his life was in this moment._

* * *

The moments after the fall were a blur.  

Victor remembered the sound of the audience drawing a collective gasp, then erupting in surprise and fear.  He remembered being frozen in shock, and then tripping over himself to get to Yuuri.  He remembered pushing through a small crowd of people who had thought it a good idea to come down from the stands to get a closer look at the fallen skater. 

He remembered the sight of blood on the ice, slowly pooling under Yuuri’s head.

Everything else – the ambulance ride, the long hours in the hospital – was hazy.  A fog of dread had clouded his memory, which was ironic given that this was all Victor could think about anymore.

“Come on, Victor, let’s get you outside.”  Christophe threw an arm around Victor’s shoulders and smiled at his friend, though Victor knew the cheeriness was a façade for his own benefit.  “Some fresh air will do you some good.”

Victor mustered up a half-smile.  “I’m not in the mood, Chris.”  

“That’s too bad, isn’t it?  Come on, off the couch.  We’ll take Makka on a walk.”  

Victor sighed, knowing his friend wasn’t going to give in, and stood.  He knew Chris was trying to help, but the fact remained that he was too depressed to do anything.  For the past two weeks, he had barely left the apartment.  If Chris didn’t visit him and he didn’t have his sweet puppy to take care of, he may very well waste away in here.

Chris made sure Victor put on his coat before they left the apartment.  Makkachin bounced ahead, happy to play in the snow and get some exercise.  Victor kept his head down, watching his feet as they carried him forward.  He could feel Chris’s pitying gaze on him.

For a while, the sounds of the city were the only noises they heard.  Victor knew them well.  He had absentmindedly chosen a walk that he had taken Makkachin on dozens of times.  Without even looking, he could tell exactly where they were.  First they passed behind the tiny Vietnamese restaurant, where the sounds of a hectic kitchen were audible through the closed door.  Victor could also smell the stench of cigarette smoke from the employees who were on break.  

Then, they turned off the side-street and paused to wait for the opportunity to cross to the other side of the block.  People bustled about on foot.  Cars whizzed by and occasionally blared their horns.  Victor tuned out the sound of traffic, though, and listened instead to the lilting voice of the woman who sold flowers in the shoppe on the corner as she greeted her customers.  Makkachin loved her, but Victor wasn’t up for a conversation today, so he kept the dog on a short leash.

They continued forward when they got the ‘Walk’ sign.  Finally, Chris broke the silence between them.  “Are you really just going to hide out here in Russia and wallow?”  Victor shot him a glance.  “You could still be with him, you know.  You might as well be, since you gave up skating.”

“I didn’t _give up_ skating, I just… need a break.”  Yakov, as well as the rest of the Russian skating team and even others like JJ, did his best to get him to stay.   _At the very least, finish out this Grand Prix_ , Yakov had urged.  But Victor couldn’t fathom skating without Yuuri right now.  

“Uh-huh.”  

Victor jammed his free hand into his coat pocket.  “I can’t just show up at Yu-topia and expect things to pan out.  Yuuri doesn’t -”

His throat tightened as he spoke, making his sentence impossible to finish.  Yuuri, his love, his beautiful fiancé, had no idea who Victor was anymore.  

Yuuri had suffered a nasty concussion that left him with retrograde amnesia.  Luckily there were no other major injuries, and he recovered fairly quickly; Victor had nearly passed out with relief when he found that out.  But what hurt so badly was that though Yuuri remembered his family, he didn’t remember his skating life at all.  Which meant everything Yuuri and Victor had together - their love, their friendship, their experiences - was now gone.

“You did before,” Chris pointed out.  “That seemed to work for you, if I remember correctly.”

“This is different.”

“Maybe.  But there’s a simple solution to this.”

“Is there?” Victor said somewhat flatly.

“Hello?” Chris knocked on Victor’s head.  “Go make him remember you.  He’s sure to eventually if you’re around him enough.  Or you could just tell him you’re engaged and go from there.”

Victor huffed out a short laugh, his breath forming a visible cloud in the cold air.  “Yuuri would definitely not take kindly to me, a stranger, showing up and claiming we’re engaged.  Can you imagine?”  Yuuri would run far away and never come back.

“Then go re-introduce yourself.  Make him fall in love with you again.”

Victor felt tears start to well up in his eyes.  “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

 _Because I’m scared he won’t love me again_ , Victor thought.  There was a chance Yuuri’s memory wouldn’t come back.  What if the circumstances were too different, and Yuuri didn’t fall for him a second time?  Before, Victor had been his idol.  But now, Yuuri didn’t remember any part of his life that had to do with skating.  What if Yuuri’s looking up to Victor as a skater had been an integral part of him falling in love?  What if now, simply being himself wasn’t enough?  Victor wouldn’t be able to take that heartbreak.

“I just can’t.”

“It’s worth a try, isn’t it?”  Christophe’s tone was bordering on angry.  He stopped walking, making Victor stop too and look at him.  Victor forced himself to hold eye contact.  Makkachin waited patiently a few feet ahead.  “Wouldn’t you rather at least try to be in his life again than sit here being miserable by yourself?  Isn’t that a risk worth taking?”

Victor chewed on the bottom of his lip.  “Yes,” he said quietly after a long moment.  “Yes, of course he’s worth it.”

“Then go to him,” Chris said, his voice softer now.  “I’ve seen you two together, Victor.  A love like that doesn’t just go away.”  A new flurry of snow began, and Christophe tilted his head up to watch it fall.  “A love like that survives anything.”

* * *

Victor couldn’t remember the last time he was this anxious.  

He sat alone in his private plane, watching the large island of Kyushu come closer and closer into view.  Well, not quite _alone_ ; Makkachin was in his crate at Victor’s feet.  Victor had worked up the nerve to fly to Japan and stay at the hot springs resort for a while.  Hiroko, Mari, and Toshiya were all looking forward to his arrival.  Hiroko had been trying to convince him to come stay with them since the accident, insisting that he was still her son-in-law-to-be and deserved comfort and support during a time like this.  But as much as Victor appreciated the offer, he gently refused it each time.  On top of his own fear of rejection, he wanted to give Yuuri some time and space to heal.

But Chris was right.  He couldn’t let Yuuri slip out of his life.  Even if he only reached the point of friendship with Yuuri and went no further, it would be worth it.  He would certainly take having part of Yuuri than not having him at all.

After the flight came the short train ride to Hasetsu Station.  He stepped off onto the platform with his bags and made his way through the town.  Victor swore he could feel his own heartbeat throbbing in his head.  It only got louder and more intense the closer he got to the resort.  

When Victor reached Yu-topia, Hiroko and Mari were both standing outside to greet him.

“Vicchan!”  Hiroko’s enthusiastic hug nearly knocked Victor off his feet, and a light chuckle escaped him.  “We’re so glad you came!”  

“Me too,” Victor admitted, speaking over Makkachin’s excited barking.  He knelt to let the dog out of his crate, and Makka immediately ran in circles around Yuuri’s mother.

“Good,” Mari said as she ambled over, “because I was going to have to kick your ass if you just cut us off.  And hello to you too, Makkachin.”

“I know,” Victor said.  “I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner.  I thought Yuuri could use some space.”

Mari’s lips twisted into a smile that she tried and failed to conceal.  “I guess I’ll spare you, since you did show up without me dragging you here.”  Mari took one of his bags from him to lighten the load.

“Come,” Hiroko said as she grabbed his hand.  “Come inside, it’s cold out here.”  

Victor’s heart warmed.  He had really missed the Katsuki family these past few weeks.

“Yuuri!” Hiroko called as they entered the resort.  “Come greet our new guest!”  Though the words were in Japanese, Victor had a pretty good idea of what she said.  He took a hold of Makkachin’s collar so he wouldn’t pounce on poor, unexpecting Yuuri like he did the first time they met.

The few seconds between then and Yuuri appearing in the room felt like an eternity.  But then there he was, with his messy hair and his glasses and his his loose t-shirt and his big brown eyes.  Victor’s heart both broke and melted at the sight of him.  From the outside, it was like nothing had changed.

 _Please remember me_ , a voice in his head whispered.   _Please._

The two of them locked eyes, and Victor’s mouth suddenly felt too dry.  He clenched his fingers to keep his hands from shaking.  Out of the corner of his eye, he could see both Hiroko and Mari watching them.  They were still, as if holding their breath.  

Makkachin barked and strained against Victor’s grip.  Yuuri’s eyes flicked to the dog for a moment, and Victor almost thought he saw a flash of recognition in them.  

Then Hiroko smiled and said, “Yuuri, this is Victor.  He’s from Russia, and he will be staying here for the next couple of weeks.”

“Nice to meet you,” the dark-haired boy said a bit shyly.  “I’m Yuuri.”

Victor pushed down the sorrow and pain, pushed down the tears that threatened to spill, pushed down the need to hold the love of his life in his arms, and he smiled.

“Hi, Yuuri.  I’m Victor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I hope you enjoyed chapter one of my Amnesia AU. Drop me a comment if you did!
> 
> Tumblr: [@devwrites22](http://www.devwrites22.tumblr.com)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I normally don't do notes at the beginning of chapters, but there's a song that I've thought of/listened to while writing this fic, and I thought I'd share it with you. It's called [Tokyo Sunrise](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFnIuBB9YAo) by LP (I didn't choose it because of the Japan reference but it works lol). The lyrics suggest that Victor and Yuuri are far away from each other, and while that might not be true physically anymore, it fits in an emotional sense. The tone of the song I think really encapsulates the longing and hopefulness Victor is experiencing. (Not to mention it's just a beautiful song in general and I always cry when I listen to it.)
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!

_Victor stood behind Yuuri, hands on his hips, murmuring into the shorter man’s ear.  Oh, how he wished he could press his lips to that slender neck, push his body against Yuuri’s own, and get lost in bliss for a while._

_Of course, he couldn’t, though, because they were on the ice.  The ice of their favorite rink in St. Petersburg, to be specific.  It was still early enough that the rink wasn’t open to the public, but Victor and Yuuri had been given special access to the building so they could practice without interruption.  Just like at the Ice Castle in Hasetsu, they were able to receive special favors from the staff here.  A perk of being two of the top figure skaters in the world._  

_“You’re still too tense,” Victor advised.  He swayed Yuuri’s hips in a circular motion to get him to loosen them up.  “How do you expect to wow the audience if you can’t relax and enjoy yourself?”_

_It was obvious that Yuuri was trying his best not to melt into Victor’s touch.  “Vicchan, I love you, but you are making it very hard to focus right now.”_

_Victor laughed and skated backward, putting some distance between himself and Yuuri.  “Fair enough.  Now, try it again, and keep in mind what I told you.  I want you to really feel it.”_

_He moved out of the way to watch Yuuri run through his new Short Program choreography.  He and Yuuri had collaborated on both programs’ choreography for the upcoming season, and, if he did say so himself, both routines were brilliant.  They were challenging enough to satisfy Yuuri’s hunger for reaching new heights, yet close enough to his comfort zone to show off his strengths._  

_Victor was ecstatic that he was able to return to the ice while also remaining Yuuri’s coach.  Though sometimes he did feel like he was being worn a bit thin, he wouldn’t trade it for the world.  Today was a Yuuri day, so Victor would spend all of his attention on his student.  Tomorrow Victor would go train with Yakov and the others, with Yuuri supporting him from the barrier._

_“Good,” he praised when Yuuri finished a beautifully-executed step sequence.  “Much better.”  Victor could see a glint of a smile in Yuuri’s eyes, though the skater didn’t let his concentration break._

_God, Yuuri was beautiful when he skated.  Well, truthfully, he was beautiful at all times of the day.  But Victor always noticed how smooth, how confident, how at peace Yuuri looked when he was able to lose himself in a routine._  

_Victor was still gazing at him even after Yuuri came to a standstill on the ice.  The polished, sexual aura was lost as soon as Yuuri caught his fiancé looking at him. “What?” he said, suddenly appearing nervous._

_“You’re gorgeous,” Victor whispered._

_Unsurprisingly, Yuuri blushed and hid behind his hands.  Victor laughed and skated over to him.  Yuuri was going to have to get used to Victor saying things like that to him._

_Victor looped his arms around Yuuri’s neck, and the younger man dropped his hands from his face.  Yuuri tilted his head up and leaned in to kiss Victor._

_“But your Quad Flip needs some work,” Victor continued, speaking up in his ‘coaching voice,’ as Yuuri dubbed it, before Yuuri’s mouth reached his._  

 _Yuuri scowled, though there was a sparkle dancing in his eyes that let Victor know he wasn’t actually angry.  “You just ruined a perfectly good mood.”_  

_Victor smirked.  “Show me you can land the jump consistently, and then we’ll see about bringing the mood back.  Deal?”_

_Yuuri stole a quick kiss anyway and skated backward with a cheeky grin.  “Deal.”_

* * *

It was weird.  Victor shouldn’t feel like an outsider here, but he did.  It wasn’t that Yu-topia felt unfamiliar, or that Victor didn’t feel welcome.  But now that he was a stranger to Yuuri, this whole place seemed like it was from a dream.  A dream that felt so real, but something was off about it at the same time.

Victor sat and contemplated this over a delicious breakfast that Yuuri’s mother made especially for him: a fried egg over a small portion of rice and natto, with some miso soup on the side.  She even made Victor’s favorite tea.  Honestly, what did he do to deserve such kindness?  

Last night had been difficult, even strange.  Emotions that were familiar but until now had been forgotten came back to the forefront of his mind.  He was reminded of when he first arrived here, wanting to be close with Yuuri without realizing the other boy had no recollection of ever meeting him.  Back then, Victor was confused and disheartened; he wanted Yuuri to like Victor as much as Victor liked him, but Yuuri was guarded.  Now, he knew exactly why Yuuri would hardly speak to him, hardly even look at him.  They didn’t know each other.  At least in Yuuri’s mind.

Victor had skipped dinner and retired to bed early.  Emotionally, he was drained.  Not to mention he had just gotten in from Russia, and he was a bit tired from the travel.  He blamed his early bedtime on that and shut himself in his room.

He would be lying if he said he didn’t cry himself to sleep.  There was a deep ache in his chest that he couldn’t dispel.  Makkachin seemed to sense that, and he snuggled as close to Victor as he could without lying completely on top of him.  Victor hugged his dog close to his chest and buried his face in his fur, and that did comfort him at least a little.  He ended up falling asleep like that.

The ache still hadn’t vanished, but Victor did feel better than he did last night.  Lighter.  Sometimes, sleep was the best way to distance yourself from something.  He woke up feeling somewhat refreshed, which was a small victory.  Though, it was true that he couldn’t stop yawning.  It was 10:00 here, but 4:00 in the morning back in St. Petersburg.  Needless to say, Victor was tired.

Yuuri, of course, still wasn’t awake.  Victor knew all too well that he was a regular Sleeping Beauty, and it would be at least another hour before he woke up and made his way into the dining room for breakfast.  Even with his jet-lag, Victor managed to rise before Yuuri.  Which meant Victor had some time to figure out how he was going to act around him.  He wanted to be a part of Yuuri’s life again as soon as possible, but he didn’t want to push too hard from the get-go and end up scaring him away.

 _Baby steps,_ he told himself.

“You could go back to sleep, you know,” Mari said as she came in to clear away Victor’s now-empty dishes.  

Victor chuckled.  “Do I look that jet-lagged?”

“Yeah, kind of.  You were spacing out a little.”  

She started stacking the dishes, and Victor reached out to help.  He was more than a just a guest here.  The Katsuki family always treated him like one of their own, so it was only fair that he acted in kind.  “I want to go ahead and fix my sleep schedule as soon as possible,” he explained.  “Better to do it now than get stuck in a cycle of staying up and sleeping in too late.”

Mari shrugged as if to say ‘fair enough’ and headed into the kitchen.  Victor followed, placing a bowl and some cutlery into the sink.  

“We’re doing our best to jog his memory,” Mari said quietly in accented English as she got to work on rinsing.  “The doctor said it’s possible.”

Victor perked up a little.  “Is it working?  What does he know?”  It was probably not a good idea to get his hopes up too high, but he couldn’t help it.

“We told him he’s an ice skater, and the accident happened during a competition.  He wanted to deny it.  He thinks he has no idea how to skate.”

“Has he tried to since he got back?”

Mari turned off the faucet.  “No.  The doctor said he can’t skate again for another week or so, just to be safe.  I don’t even know if Yuuri would willingly try it, anyway.”

Victor nodded slowly as he processed what Mari was telling him.

“Phichit’s devastated,” she continued.  She dried her hands with a towel and draped it over the edge of the sink before leaning back against the counter.  “He feels really bad he can’t make it over here right now.”

“Yuuri doesn’t remember him either?”

Mari shook her head.  “Nope.  Not him, not you, not Celestino, nobody.  Just the people he grew up with here.”  There was a small pause, and then she murmured, “It’s strange.  It’s like my brother is here, but not.  Skating was such a big part of his life, it’s almost like he’s a different person without it.”

Victor turned a sympathetic gaze to Mari.  Selfishly, he hadn’t considered that this would be as hard on Yuuri’s family as it was on him.  He thought, since Yuuri remembered them all, everything would be normal at home.  But of course thing were different.  How could they not be?

“I’m sorry,” Victor said.  

Mari gave him a wan smile.  “It’s okay.  At least he knows who I am.  I don’t know what I’d do if I were in your position.”

 _That makes two of us_ , Victor thought.

The two of them left the kitchen.  “I’m going to go take a bath,” Mari said as she peeled off.  Victor nodded, deciding to return to his room to change out of his pajamas. Makkachin was no doubt still dozing on the bed.

Victor turned into the hallway to the bedrooms and nearly collided with Yuuri.  Both of them jumped in surprise.

“Sorry!” Yuuri blurted at the same time Victor said “Yuuri!”  

Victor grinned at him, but that smile faded when it was returned only shyly by Yuuri.

They each stepped to the side to let the other pass, but ended up right in each other’s way again.  More apologies were uttered as they both moved to the other side, still blocking each other.  Victor laughed.  “We’re not very good at this, are we?”

Yuuri stood ramrod straight as if to take up as little space as possible.  “Sorry.  You go,” he said.  

Victor hesitated, and then he nodded and scooted past Yuuri, their arms brushing as he moved.  Victor felt his heart constrict.

He reached the door of his bedroom, but he didn’t open it yet.  “Yuuri?” he said just as Yuuri started to disappear around the corner.  

Yuuri turned and peeked around the wall.  “Yes?”  

Victor swallowed, scrambling to come up with something to say.  “Um… your mother is a great cook,” he settled on.  It wasn’t at all what he really wanted to tell him.

Yuuri smiled at that.  “She’s the best cook I know.”  He adjusted his glasses on his face.  “Do you need anything right now?”

 _Yes_ , Victor thought.   _I need you.  I need to be planning a wedding with you and skating with you and waking up next to you and having stupid little arguments with you. I need you to love me again_.  The words were dangerously close to leaving his mouth.  Instead, he shook his head and said, “No, I’m alright.  Thank you.”

It was a good ten seconds after Yuuri left that Victor turned and went into his bedroom.  Just as he suspected, Makkachin was sound asleep and taking up at least 70% of the bed space.  Victor softly pet behind his ears, careful not to wake him, and then dug around in his suitcase for an outfit to wear.  

After freshening up, Victor left his room and softly closed the door behind him.  He glanced at Yuuri’s room.  A part of him was itching to go in and poke around, just to see if anything had changed since he was last here.  Maybe a little peek wouldn't hurt...

Perhaps against his better judgement, he cracked open Yuuri’s door and slipped through.  

The first thing he noticed was that the walls were essentially bare.  Where there had once been posters of figure skaters (mostly Victor himself), there were blank spaces. The only tell that there had been anything there at all were tiny holes from where the pushpins had been.

The second thing he noticed was that Yuuri’s bed was unmade.  Victor shook his head in amusement.  Of course it was.

His gaze traveled from the bed to the nightstand, where he remembered Yuuri normally kept a framed picture of them from Barcelona.  But again, all traces of Victor appeared to have been erased.  Mari or Hiroko probably hid everything that had to do with him so that Yuuri wouldn’t freak out upon arriving home after losing his memory.  It made some sort of sense, but it still hurt to see physical proof that it was like Victor never existed.  Couldn’t they have at least left the posters up?

“Victor?”

Victor nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of a voice behind him, and a squeak escaped him.  He turned quickly to see Yuuri standing in the doorway, having caught his guest snooping in his room.  Oh boy, how was Victor supposed to get himself out of this one?

“Yuuri.  I… I’m sorry. I got turned around and thought this was my room.”  Victor laughed at his own expense, hoping the lie came off convincingly enough.  “My memory isn’t all that great sometimes.”  Yikes.  That probably wasn't the best thing to say in this circumstance.

Yuuri’s expression was skeptical.  “That’s okay…  Do you need help finding your room?”

“Ah, no, no I think I’ve got it now.  Sorry again,” Victor said, and he practically ran out of the room.  He burst into his own bedroom, startling the dog awake, and flopped onto his bed with a long groan.  Makka licked his face to make it all better.

“I’m an idiot, Makkachin,” Victor bemoaned.  “He probably thinks I’m a creep now.  What should I do?”  

Makkachin barked and wagged his tail.  

“You’re right.”  Victor sat up, wiping dog slobber off his cheek.  “I’ll just hide in here from now until the end of time.”

Makka barked again and whined.  Victor realized the dog was probably hungry, and he poured him a larger portion of food than he normally gave him.  Makkachin gladly ate it up.

Eventually, Victor’s own hunger propelled him to leave his room.  It was early afternoon by the time he emerged into the living area, where Yuuri and his mother were tidying up.

“There you are,” Hiroko exclaimed with a wide grin.  “I was beginning to think you had run off.”

Victor smiled, though even he could tell it didn’t reach his eyes.  “No, I’m still here.”

“You must be hungry,” Hiroko said as she took a pillow from the couch, fluffed it up, and replaced it.  “And I bet you want to get out of the house and explore a little.  Yuuri, why don’t you take Victor and show him around Hasetsu?  You can grab some lunch while you’re out.  I’ll lend you some money.”

Ah.  Victor knew exactly what she was doing.  Sneaky woman.

“Oh,” Yuuri said.  “Don’t you need help preparing dinner for tonight?”  Victor knew enough Japanese to understand that sentence.  He was working hard at learning the language, just as Yuuri had been trying to learn Russian.

Hiroko waved her hand.  “I’ll have Mari help me with that later on.  You two go have fun.”  She handed Yuuri a few paper bills, who took the money tentatively.

“Are you sure?”  Yuuri didn’t look particularly excited at the idea, which Victor certainly didn’t blame him for after this morning.  He wouldn’t want to hang out with him either.

Hiroko nodded and responded in Japanese that was too fast for Victor to catch.  Victor wasn’t sure how often Yuuri got asked to give a guided tour of the town to a Yu-topia guest, but he agreed nonetheless.  

A few short minutes later, Victor, Yuuri, and Makkachin were walking through the main square.  Despite Victor’s best efforts, Makka had jumped all over Yuuri in excitement as soon as he saw him.  Luckily, Yuuri didn’t mind.

As they strolled side-by-side, Victor had to consciously remind himself every minute or so not to hold Yuuri’s hand.  He was afraid he would slip up and do it anyway.  It wasn’t fair.  Yuuri was _right here_.  He was so close, yet so out of reach.  Victor distracted himself by observing the townspeople milling about around them.

“He reminds me of my old dog,” Yuuri said, nodding toward Makkachin.  They had let him off his leash, and he was now running ahead to chase some pigeons.

“Did you have a poodle, too?” Victor inquired.  Of course, he knew all about Vicchan.  But he couldn’t exactly reveal that.

Yuuri nodded.  “His name was Vicchan,” he said with a light blush and a glance up at Victor. Victor pretended he didn’t know a thing about Japanese nicknames and nodded in polite interest.  “I can’t remember why I named him that…”  Yuuri frowned, his nose scrunching up.  Victor knew that look.  He was thinking hard about something.

“Makkachin loves people,” Victor said conversationally.  “A little too much, sometimes. Are you sure he didn’t hurt you?”

Yuuri nodded.  “Don’t worry, he didn’t.  He’s just a big fluff-ball.”

“That he is,” Victor said with a chuckle.  He called Makka back when the dog started to get too far for Victor’s comfort.

“What were you really doing in my room?” Yuuri asked suddenly with unexpected boldness.  He sounded more curious than angry.  He stopped watching Makkachin to look at Victor.

Victor pressed his lips together in a thin line.  Maybe he could tell at least part of the truth.  It couldn’t hurt for Yuuri to know at least _something_ , right?  In fact, it might help.  “Okay,” Victor started with a deep breath, “The truth is, I was in your room because I wanted to see if things were the same as I remembered from the last time I was here.”

Yuuri’s brow furrowed in confusion.  “What do you mean?”

“We used to be… friends,” Victor said.  “Before you got your concussion.”

For a second Victor thought he may have said the wrong thing, because Yuuri fell silent and his body language became a bit more closed off.  It was possible that his amnesia was a sensitive subject with him.  Victor opened his mouth to apologize, but Yuuri spoke first.

“So… we know each other,” Yuuri confirmed, speaking slowly.  

“Technically...”  Victor gauged Yuuri’s reaction, hoping he didn’t mess up just now.

Yuuri nodded, tugging down on his coat sleeve.  He stopped walking abruptly and buried his face in his hands.   “I’m so sorry,” Yuuri said, his voice muffled by his gloves.  “I feel awful that I don’t remember you.”

“I understand,” Victor said gently.  “It’s okay.”  

Yuuri uncovered his face and sighed in exasperation.  “It’s so frustrating.  There are all these things about my life that people tell me about, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t remember them.”

A pang of pity shot through Victor.   “Well,” he said, feigning an easygoing attitude, “why don’t I tell you some things about me?  If it jogs your memory, great!  If not, you’ve learned some new old things about me.”

Yuuri gave Victor a small but grateful smile.  “Yeah, that sounds good.”

So during lunch, Victor sat with Yuuri in a cute little restaurant, and he did one thing that Yurio often told him he was exceptional at: he talked about himself.

* * *

The most frustrating thing about having amnesia wasn’t the headache flares, or the ban on physical activity, or even the coddling.   Yuuri’s distaste for all those things was great, but by far the worst part about all this was having gaps in his memory that he couldn’t make sense of.  He spent hours upon hours trying to fill in the missing pieces, until he was inevitably brought to tears and was forced to give up for the time being.

It was scary, not truly knowing yourself.

As he sat across from Victor and listened to him talk, Yuuri strained to find some sort of connection, some sort of spark of familiarity.  But none came.

Victor talked a lot about what his family and Yuuko and Minako-sensei had told him about: skating.  Apparently, Victor was one of the reasons Yuuri used to be into figure skating.  He supposed he knew Yuuko and her triplets were avid fans of the sport, but he had thought that was the extent of his own association with it.  It was hard to believe that he was an international gold-medalist.

Almost impossible to believe, actually.  Yuuri guessed that if he walked up to his sister and insisted that she was a world-renowned elephant trainer, she would have the same reaction as he was having.  Because it was simply ludicrous.  

But it wasn’t…. because it really did happen.  So everyone said.

God, this sucked.

There was a small lull in the conversation (if it could be called that.  Yuuri hadn’t done much talking at all, which wasn’t any fault of Victor’s).  Yuuri picked at his food, struggling between asking Victor for more details or switching to a new topic altogether.  Below him, Makkachin waited patiently for him to accidentally drop something yummy for him to eat.

“What is it?” Victor questioned tenderly.

Yuuri started to clam up at the question.  The amnesia left him feeling vulnerable and unsteady in his own skin.  He felt utterly lost, like a child who couldn’t find their parents in a public space.  On top of that, it must be hard on everyone else to have to deal with Yuuri’s loss of awareness of his own past.  Mari directed pitying glances his way when she thought he wasn't looking.  His mother sighed more deeply.  His father didn't laugh quite as loudly.  Yuuri must be a burden to them now.  

But Victor’s face was soft, open.  There was understanding in those blue eyes, and not a hint of judgement or irritation.  Just like that, Yuuri _wanted_ to open up to him.  Because something told him that even though Yuuri felt fearful and exposed, if he reached out, Victor would meet him halfway.

The trouble was, he had no idea how to do that.

“Are you engaged?”  Yuuri nodded to the ring on Victor’s right hand.  Victor’s eyes gleamed with an emotion Yuuri couldn’t place, and it disappeared too quickly for him to figure it out.

Victor lifted his hand.  “No, no.  This is a good-luck charm from a skating friend.”

“Oh,” Yuuri said.  “It’s lovely.”

Victor dipped his head, letting his silver bangs fall into his face.  “Thank you.”  His tone was light, but Yuuri detected something deeper there.  Again, though, he couldn’t discern it.

Yuuri was quiet again on their walk back home.  Victor had given him a lot to think about.  

That night, Yuuri climbed into bed and lay awake well past midnight staring at the ceiling.  “Come on,” he muttered to himself.  “Remember.”

But just like last night, and the night before that, and the night before that, his brain remained clueless.  Even after talking with Victor at lunch, the gaps in his memory were as big as ever.

And Yuuri felt terrible.  Victor was his friend, yet he couldn’t recall anything about him.  What kind of a friend did that make Yuuri?  He had the feeling Victor wouldn't be around for much longer, if this kept up.

“I’m really sorry,” Yuuri whispered, ignoring the hot tears that spilled onto his cheeks.  “I’m trying.”

* * *

Yuuri hadn’t talked much at lunch, or at dinner that night either.  He looked like he was deep in thought.  Victor had tried to balance the line between not saying enough and overwhelming him with information.  Hopefully, he accomplished that.

He felt immensely bad for Yuuri.  He could tell the amnesia was eating away at him.  Yuuri looked so _sad_ all the time, had hardly even smiled since Victor got here.  It broke Victor’s heart.  

 _There has to be something I can do_ , Victor mused.  He decided he needed some fresh air after dinner, and he found himself  on the beach.  The biting wind whipped his hair and scarf around, but Victor barely noticed it.  

This was the spot, he realized, that Yuuri first let himself be vulnerable with him.  First went out on a limb and trusted him with something personal.  First spoke with him heart-to-heart.  Determination welled up in Victor.  If he did it before, he could do it again.  He would do everything in his power to make Yuuri happy again.  That was what mattered most.  And then from there, he could work to make Yuuri comfortable enough with him to fall in love again.  

The cry of a seagull sounded, and Victor tilted his head up to watch it fly overhead.  His eyes briefly settled on moon.  It wasn’t quite full tonight, but almost.  “My Yuuri,” he murmured aloud, “I love you so much.”  He dropped his gaze to the ocean, watching the tide ebb and flow against the shore.  Something about the water, so vast and so constant, was grounding.  He inhaled deeply, tasting the salty air in his lungs, and held his breath for a moment before slowly releasing it.  “You’re right here, but I miss you.”

Minutes passed, or possibly hours, Victor didn’t know.  Finally he turned away from the ocean and walked back to Yu-topia.  He stole a glance at Yuuri’s door before going into his own room.  He longed to snuggle under the covers with him, kiss his forehead, and hold him tight like he used to do every night.  Every cell in his body wanted him to.  Instead, he walked into his own room, resigning himself to another night with only Makkachin to keep him company.

That ache seeped deeper into Victor’s chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to try to end this chapter on a more positive note... That clearly didn't work out. Oops.
> 
> So you get a bit of Yuuri's perspective here. Honestly this is as much his story as Victor's, so I thought it was important to show a bit of what he was thinking and feeling.
> 
> Let me know what you think of this chapter!
> 
> Tumblr: [@devwrites22](http://www.devwrites22.tumblr.com)


	3. Chapter 3

_Dear Yuuri,_ Victor wrote,

_It feels a bit silly to be writing you a letter you’ll never read.  But… I think it may help.  Help me, that is._

_I love you._

_Since I can’t say it out loud to you - at least not yet - I’ll say it on paper.  I love you I love you I love you I love you.  ← (There, that feels a little better.)_

_Being here without you knowing who I am isn’t a new experience per se, but it’s different this time.  It hurts even worse now.  Today is the fourth day of me being here since your accident.  You still don’t remember me, but you will.  I know you will._

_I’m working on being more positive.  See?  Go me._

_Let’s see… what’s happened so far…?  Ah, yes, you caught me snooping in your bedroom.  That will be more funny than awkward once you get your memory back ;). Your mother set us up on a non-date (that was totally a date) right after that.  Tell me, Yuuri, how sexy was it to go out with someone who could be classified as a stalker?_

_Yakov is still mad at me for dropping out of the Grand Prix with no warning, but winning medals seem meaningless right now.  He called me yesterday to yell at me about sponsors threatening to drop me, but also to see how I was doing.  And you.  He sounded worried on the phone.  I told him you were doing okay, which is kind of true.  I haven’t heard you laugh since I got here, though.  I will have to remedy that._

_We had drinks after dinner the other night, and your father embarrassed you by having perhaps a bit too much.  If it makes you feel any better, I’ve been around your father when he’s been inebriated before, and I think it’s endearingly funny.  Also I was drunk as well.  Sooo._

_You’re starting to warm up to me, which I’m very glad about.  And don’t worry - I won’t leave your side, no matter how long it takes.  It will take more than a little memory loss for me to stop loving you.  In fact, nothing in the world could make that happen!  So there you go._

_Anyway, I should go for now.  I think the Nishigori family just arrived.  I’m excited to see the triplets!_

_xoxo,_

_Victor (your gorgeous, brilliant, and ever so humble fiancé)_

 

Victor put his fountain pen down and folded up the piece of paper he was writing on.  Earlier today, he made the decision to start writing letters to Yuuri as a way of getting out all the feelings that were trapped inside him.  This way, he could talk to him like he normally would, and maybe work through some of the emotions that were tougher to face.  And actually, it was already helpful.  He smiled to himself, tucked the letter away on his nightstand, and then eagerly went to greet Yuuko and Takeshi and their girls.  Makkachin was hot on his heels.

The triplets had been forewarned that Yuuri still didn’t remember his skating life, and to not say or do anything that might overwhelm or confuse him.  Knowing them and their love for gossip, though, there was no guarantee.  Besides, abiding by the rules wasn’t exactly their strong suit.

“Victor!” all three of them exclaimed in unison as soon as he stepped foot into the front lobby.  Yuuri and his family were already there, Hiroko pausing her chat with Yuuko to smile at Victor.

Victor’s lips broke into a grin.  “My goodness, have you three grown since I last saw you?”

One of them - Loop, Victor was almost sure - leapt at him to give him her best bear-hug.  The other two latched onto his legs.  “Yes!  I’m three feet and ten inches tall now!  And Victor?  We missed you!”

“A _lot_ ,” one of the other girls interjected.

“I missed you too,” Victor said through a laugh.  He caught sight of Yuuri, who looked bewildered by how familiar the triplets were being with Victor.  

“It’s good to see you again!” Yuuko said as she came over to hug him.  The girls switched the victim of their hug attack to Makka, who was all too happy to let them love on him.  

Victor hugged Yuuko back warmly.  “It’s good to see you, too.  I missed you and the girls.”

Takeshi clapped him on the back.  “They were so excited to see you.  They wouldn’t stop talking about it on the way over here.”  Victor smiled at him.

“Minako should be here soon,” Hiroko said as she ushered everyone out of the entrance and into the living room.  She hovered around, making sure everyone was comfortable.  “I’m so glad we could all get together!”

“Me too!” Yuuko said.  “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“It really has,” Toshiya said.

The triplets claimed a spot on the floor closest to the TV, which was playing a talk show on a low volume.  Makkachin trotted up and joined them.  Victor couldn’t help but make an _‘oh how cute’_ noise and turn to Yuuri.  “Makkachin is watching television!  Look at him!”

Yuuri cracked an amused smirk.  “Vicchan used to do that, too.  He loved to watch…” the end of his sentence trailed off for a moment, and his eyes suddenly became deeply thoughtful.  “He loved to watch skating with us.”

Victor reigned in the jolt of excitement that shot through him.  Yuuri remembered that!  He actually remembered!  

Yuuko and Takeshi took the comfy loveseat.  Victor opted to sit on a pillow on the floor, letting Yuuri’s parents have the couch.  Mari perched on the arm of the couch.  To Victor’s delight, Yuuri sat down next to him.  

“So Victor,” Yuuko said from her husband’s lap, “how are you doing?”  Victor could detect a hint of pity in the smile she gave him

He returned the smile amicably.  “I’m doing great, thank you,” he said lightly.  Of course, that was a bit of a lie.  He was so used to putting on a grin and an easy-going attitude for fans and sponsors alike, even when he wasn’t really feeling it.  He wasn’t exactly proud of it, but hiding how he felt came pretty easily to him.  

“More importantly,” one of the triplets spoke up, twisting her body to look back at him with a grumpy expression and a hand on her hip, “why aren’t you skating?”

Victor opened his mouth to respond, but he was interrupted by a slammed-open door and a proclamation of, “Don’t worry, everybody, I’m here!”  He chuckled.  That would be Minako.  

Sure enough, a second later, Yuuri’s old ballet teacher burst into living room with a bottle of sake in one hand and a camera in the other.  Everyone spoke over one another to greet her.  Minako waved happily and plopped down beside Victor.  She hugged him around the shoulders.  “It’s good to see you, Vicchan!”  

“It’s good to see you, too!”

Minako reached over to ruffle Yuuri’s hair.  “How are you, Yuuri?”

Yuuri flattened his hair back down with a small smirk.  He leaned forward to look at her without Victor blocking them.  “I’m alright.”

“Has the media bothered you since I ran them off?”  

Victor looked at Yuuri.  Camera crews were here right after his injury?  Did they have no boundaries?

Yuuri shook his head.  “Not yet.”

“Good.”  Minako opened the bottle of sake and offered some to whoever wanted it.

Victor turned to Yuuri.  “Wait, what happened?" 

Yuuri shrugged.  “People were crowded over here for a few days after I came home to try to interview me.  Some paparazzi were here, too.  Minako yelled at them until they left.”

Victor used to love attention.  He loved that people wanted pictures and interviews and autographs from him.  And sometimes, he still did.  What could he say?  He was just right for the spotlight.  But he knew Yuuri was never comfortable with that kind of thing.  He felt that was a pretty widely-known fact about him.  For news crews and paparazzi to bombard him after losing part of his memory was… a bit disgusting.  

“If they ever come back here,” Victor said, “I’ll distract them with my dazzling smile and then you can run for it.”  He tossed his bangs, grinned, and winked for dramatic effect.

Yuuri laughed at that, and Victor’s heart stopped beating for a second.  He had almost forgotten the way Yuuri’s whole face lit up when he laughed, how beautiful the sound was. 

“Thank you, Victor, I’ll keep that in mind.”

Victor smirked.

As the evening progressed, the room became filled with chatter (as well as the clicks of Minako's camera).  Victor had missed this - the warm, yellow glow from the lamps; the sense of closeness; the sound of merriment.  This little resort was as much home to him as his apartment in St. Petersburg.  Maybe even more so.  Here, he really felt like he had a family.

They all moved to the dining room to eat a delicious meal.  Victor was only a little embarrassed that he gobbled it down at an alarming speed.  Though, it did prompt some teasing from the triplets.  All in good fun, of course.  Victor played along and pretended he was Nikiforov the Devourer, sending the girls into a fit of giggles and putting a smile on Yuuko’s face.

Everyone gathered back in the living room after dinner, claiming the seats they’d had earlier.   They resumed their conversations until one of the triplets suddenly gasped.  “Oh my gosh!”

Yuuko’s brow furrowed.  “What is it, Axel?”

Axel snatched the remote from the couch and vigorously pressed the buttons to change the channel.  “Phichit’s Skate America Short Program is tonight!” 

Yuuko’s eyes widened. “Axel, no.  Remember what we said?”  She reached for the remote, but the screen was already showing Phichit in his starting position.

Yuuri’s mood visibly shifted.  But, like Victor, he seemingly couldn’t look away.  Yuuko must have noticed how entranced they had both become, as she stopped her efforts to take the remote from her daughter.

As music filled the stadium and Phichit began to glide across the ice, guilt and longing welled up in Victor.  Even though he stood by his decision to drop out, seeing the other competitors – his fellow ice skaters – continuing in the Grand Prix made part of Victor wish he was on the ice, too.  How many fans had he let down by disappearing? 

He could fix it, though.  When the time was right, he would tell everyone where he went and why he decided not to continue in the Grand Prix this season.  He figured some people already had a hunch that Victor was with Yuuri. 

Yuuri stood up and left the room as soon as Phichit’s program came to an end, the last notes of the music fading out as the skater came to a standstill.  Out of the corner of Victor’s eye, he saw Yuuko, Minako, Mari, and Hiroko all exchanging glances. 

Victor’s curiosity got the better of him, and he stayed to find out what Phichit’s scores were.  The Thai skater looked worn out but as happy as ever as he sat in the Kiss and Cry to await the judges’ decision.  A few moments later, high scores showed up on the screen.  The scores were well-deserved, Victor thought.  Phichit was always improving, and always making the audience have as much fun watching him as he was skating. 

“I’m going to find Yuuri,” Victor said as he got up.  He thought Yuuri could use someone to talk to right now.

He found him in the onsen.  Victor stepped outside into the frigid winter night, shivering slightly against the cold.

“Hi, Yuuri,” he said with a gentle smile.  Yuuri looked up at him.  “Mind if I join you?”

Yuuri shook his head, and Victor shed his clothing and eased himself into the pool of hot water.  He let out a sigh of contentment.  The water felt amazing against his skin.  It was a clear night, with stars twinkling against the dark sky.  The air was still but crisp.  Victor settled in so that the water reached his chest.

He sat in silence with Yuuri for a while, letting him determine when he wanted to open up rather than Victor pushing him to.  Eventually, Victor started to think he wasn’t going to say anything at all.  But then Yuuri whispered, “He looked good.”

Victor nodded.  “Yes, he did.  He did very well.”

Yuuri swallowed.  “He was my other good friend, right?  Phichit Chulanont.”   Victor nodded again.  Yuuri sank deeper into the water. 

Victor hesitated for a second, and then he said, “Do you want to talk?”

Yuuri chewed on the inside of his cheek.  Victor waited patiently, giving Yuuri time to get comfortable speaking with him.  It took another minute or so, but Yuuri finally said, “I hate that I’m like this.  I hate that my brain is broken.” 

Victor’s heart broke at the words.  He glided through the pool, bringing himself a little closer to Yuuri.  Water quietly rippled out from the movement of his body.

“It’s like my life is a jigsaw puzzle,” Yuuri continued.  “And there are a lot of pieces missing.  And I’ll sometimes pick one up and try to fit it in, but it’s never the right shape.  And I’m scared that I’ll never find the right piece for that spot.”  Yuuri lifted a hand out of the water to bury his face in it.  “That sounded stupid.”

“No,” Victor assured him, “it didn’t sound stupid at all.”  He gently rested a hand on Yuuri’s shoulder.  Yuuri didn’t shy away from it.

Yuuri took a shuddering breath.  “Something happened when I looked at Phichit.  I… got a sort of familiar feeling,” Yuuri mused.  Then he added, “I get the same feeling with you, too.”

Victor’s breath caught in his throat.  “You do?”

Yuuri nodded.  “But I can’t get a grip on it,” he continued, his voice suddenly becoming thick.  “No matter how hard I try.”  Fat teardrops started to roll down his cheeks.  Yuuri turned his head away as if he was embarrassed to be crying in front of Victor.  “What if I never remember him?  Or you?  How long will it be before everyone just gives up on me?”

Victor’s heart broke further, and he instinctively pulled Yuuri into a tight embrace.  Yuuri folded into him.  His body shook with his crying.  Victor wanted to scream at the universe for letting this happen to his Yuuri.  He wanted to cry.  He wanted to grab Yuuri by the shoulders and tell him over and over that he loved him with all his heart, that he would always love him no matter what happened.  But he couldn’t.  Because Yuuri still didn’t remember him.  He couldn’t risk a declaration of love right now, despite how much he wanted to.

Victor pressed his face into Yuuri’s hair, the familiar smell of it filling his nose.  He closed his eyes.  He hadn’t been able to hold Yuuri like this in far too long.  “I’m not ever giving up on you, Yuuri,” he said firmly.  “And neither is your family.  Or Phichit, or the rest of your skating friends.”  Yuuri turned his tear-stained face up to look at Victor.  He looked like a lost puppy, with those big brown eyes gazing up at him like that.  “I promise,” Victor affirmed. 

Yuuri sniffed and wiped his eyes, regaining control of his breathing.  He pulled back, and Victor unwrapped his arms from around him and took a step back to give him space.  “Sorry,” Yuuri mumbled, his gaze fixed on the water. 

"There’s no need to apologize,” Victor said.  “Really.”

Yuuri nodded slowly.  He took a deep, steadying breath.  “Well then… thank you.”

* * *

“I’m telling you, Chris, things are looking up,” Victor said as he paced around his room.  “He let me hold him tonight.”

“Hey, look at that!  That’s significant.”

“It was actually really sad.  He cried.”  Victor sighed and switched his phone to the other ear.  “I feel so bad for him.”

“At least he as you, though, right?  You’ve always been good at being there for people.”

“Have I?”

“ _I_ think so.”

Victor stopped his pacing and leaned back against the wall.  “Thanks.”

“Fair warning, the entire Russian team is ready to kill you.  Especially Yurio.”

Victor’s eyes narrowed into deadpanned annoyance.  “I’m aware.  Yakov made sure I know just how much of an idiot I am.   He’s doing everything he can, but apparently I’m about to lose some big sponsors.”  He paused.  “Do _you_ think I’m an idiot, Chris?” 

Christophe snorted.  “I’m the one who convinced you to go to Hasetsu, remember?”

“True…”

“Okay, not everyone is mad at you,” Chris amended.  “I talked to Mila, and she understands why you chose to be with Yuuri instead of on the ice.  But maybe you should do some damage control.  People are wondering where the hell you went.  Have you checked online recently?  The rumors are getting crazy.”

Victor sat down cross-legged on his bed and opened his laptop.  He scrolled through some of his social media accounts and fan pages and blogs and news sources.  He clicked on one of the headlines.  “‘Nikiforov’s Fall From Grace: The Real Reason Behind the Skater Vanishing During the Grand Prix’?  That’s a mouthful of a title.” 

“That one talks about how you have a secret illness that you’ve been hiding from the world.  And that’s not even the worst one.  I read an article that claimed you got yourself caught up in a scandal and were forced to drop out before it went public.” 

Victor huffed.  “Nice.” 

“What’s even more ‘nice’ is that lot of your die-hard fans are blaming Yuuri for your absence.”

Victor groaned.  Hopefully none of them showed up here.  They were lucky no one snapped a picture of him at the airport or of the two of them walking around town.  “Crap.  I have to do something.”

“You think?” 

“I’ll work on it tomorrow.”  Victor ran his fingers through his hair.  “What about you?  How have you been doing?”

“I’m getting too old for this,” Chris lamented.  “I don’t think I’m going to make it to the Final.”

Victor smirked.  “Well, without me there, you certainly have a much better shot.” 

Christophe laughed.  “Jackass.”

“You love me anyway.” 

Victor continued to talk to Christophe until the late hours of the night.  He was glad to have a friend like him he could lean on when he needed.  Not only that, but he missed him.  Eventually, though, his eyelids started to droop, and he hung up to go to sleep. 

He put his laptop away and patted beside him, prompting Makkachin to hop up onto the bed with him.  Once again, he didn’t have his husband-to-be by his side.  But tonight, it didn’t feel quite as lonely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello! I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter :) Feel free to comment if you did!
> 
> I got a couple asks for the DVD Commentary thing on Tumblr a few days ago, so if you're interested, you can read them [here](http://devwrites22.tumblr.com/post/167388964502/its-worth-a-try-isnt-it-christophes-tone) and [here](http://devwrites22.tumblr.com/post/167410247562/and-yuuri-felt-terrible-victor-was-his-friend). And if you need a break from the angst, I have a College AU called [A Study of Life and Love](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11952597/chapters/27024693).
> 
> Tumblr: [@devwrites22](http://www.devwrites22.tumblr.com)


	4. Chapter 4

Victor was glad Yuuri didn’t have a reason to check the Twitter account he hardly used.  Because Christophe wasn’t lying about Victor’s most dedicated fans sending hate Yuuri’s way for Victor’s self-disqualification.   Victor loved his fans, and he appreciated the support they gave him.  Most of his fan base was a loving and uplifting community.  But some of them had a tendency to go overboard. 

He decided to clear it all up with his own tweet.  He had typed out three different drafts of it during his morning routine, and was now happy with version four.  Victor read the tweet aloud to himself to be absolutely sure:

“‘My dearest fans and sponsors: Thank you for your continued support.  I apologize for my sudden disappearance from the #GrandPrix (due to a family emergency), but rest assured I am just fine and I will return to the ice very soon.  Much love, Victor’.”

Pleased with himself, Victor hit submit and then finished brushing his teeth.  He rinsed the sink when he was done and placed his toothbrush back in its holder.  Then, still in his boxers, he sat down to write another letter to Yuuri.  Then came breakfast, and after that, since it was still early, a run through the town. 

It was a beautiful day, and Hasetsu was just beginning to wake up.  The buildings and streets were bathed in soft morning light.  The baby-blue sky still had a muted purple tint to it from the sunrise.  Birds sang from their perches in nearby trees. Victor happily took in his surroundings and waved to locals he passed by, making up his route as he went. 

Halfway through, though, he started to feel slightly ill.  In retrospect, maybe he should have saved breakfast for _after_ the run.

It was just when Victor slowed to take a break, his breath coming out in puffs of visible air, that his phone rang.  He took up a spot by a statue in the main square so that he would be out of the way of other pedestrians.  He pulled his glove off and dug the phone out of his pocket, not even bothering to check the caller ID before answering. 

“Hello, Victor Nikiforov here!”

“Is that what you call public statement?!” came a gruff and quite angry voice from the other end of the line.

“Oh hi Yakov!” Victor said, slipping into his mother tongue.

“Don’t ‘hi Yakov’ me!  You really thought a Tweet on Tweeter would suffice?  All you’ve done is created more questions!”

Victor stifled a chuckle.  His coach sure loved to overreact.  “Actually, it’s called Twitter.”

“VITYA, SHUT UP WHILE I’M YELLING AT YOU."

“So sorry.”  Victor examined his nails.

“You were supposed to go to the _press_ , Victor.  Not post something vague on social media.  It may work fine for your fans, but your sponsors deserve better than that.  We’re in hot water as it is!”

Victor waved a hand.  “Yes, yes, I know.  But I can’t talk to the press.” 

Yakov grunted.  “Why not?”

“Because people have already been bothering Yuuri.  If they find out I’m here with him –”

“He can deal with it,” Yakov interrupted.  Victor scowled.  There was a short pause, and then a heavy sigh from Yakov.  “I’m sorry.  I’m sure he’s having a hard time.  But your career is on the line here.”

“I thought I was supposed to be the drama queen,” Victor quipped with a raised an eyebrow.  Yakov’s responding growl told Victor he should maybe tone it down with the sass.

“Do you still care about skating or not?”

“Of course I do!”  Victor flung an arm out to emphasize his words, nearly smacking an elderly woman who was passing by him.  “ _I’m so sorry, ma’am!_ ”  He could practically hear Yakov roll his eyes, no doubt picturing whatever made Victor blurt an apology to a stranger.  In Russian, no less.  

“Then take this seriously.”

Victor exhaled through his nose.  “Fine, I’ll go to the press.”

“Thank you.”  Another pause, and then, “I’m surprised you haven’t talked about yourself yet during this conversation.”  Yakov’s words may have been coarse, but his tone was softer.  It wasn’t unlike him to cover up concern and care with something that sounded more like an insult.  Victor was well accustomed to that.  He knew that what his coach was really trying to do was check up on him. 

“I’m doing okay,” Victor said, his shoulders slumping a little.  “Poor Yuuri is still torn up about his amnesia.  And he still doesn’t remember me.”

“He will,” Yakov said surely.

Victor pressed his lips together.  “I don’t know.  Maybe, but… maybe not.”  Maybe Yuuri wouldn’t get his memories back, wouldn’t remember their history together, wouldn’t remember they’re supposed to be getting married in the spring.  Victor squeezed his eyes shut for a second to fight off unwanted tears.

“I didn’t teach you to live life with doubt,” Yakov said, and Victor could hear the unspoken sentence behind the words: _That’s not the way I raised you_.  “You’ve always been a glass-half-full kind of person, Vitya.  Don’t lose touch with that.”

“Easier said than done,” Victor admitted, resting more of his weight against the statue.  He absentmindedly twisted his ring around his slender finger.

Yakov’s voice became even more gentle, almost uncharacteristically so.  “He loves you.  Even if he doesn’t know it right now, he loves you.” 

Victor tried to find his coach’s words comforting.  He really did.

* * *

Victor returned from his run sweaty but feeling awake and alert.  He realized he had gotten out of the habit of routine exercise, and his mind and body were starting to crave it.  He waved good morning to Mari as he walked through the house toward the bathroom for a shower. 

Still panting, Victor discarded his shoes, scarf, and gloves onto his bed before heading for the bathroom.  He pulled his shirt over his head with one hand.  The bathroom door was cracked, so he pushed it the rest of the way open.  He didn’t expect to see Yuuri in there.

Yuuri clearly didn’t expect Victor either because he jumped a little, toothbrush in his mouth.  Yuuri was still in pajamas, and he hadn’t brushed his hair yet.  His glasses were just the least bit askew.  He was so damn cute.

“Sorry,” Victor said.  “I didn’t realize you were in here.”  He mopped at his forehead with his shirt – not very effective, seeing as his shirt was also covered in sweat – and pushed his bangs out of his face as he tried to catch his breath. 

“That’s alright,” Yuuri said, and Victor fought to keep from giggling because Yuuri’s voice broke.  Yuuri swallowed, still looking at Victor.  Was he… flustered by Victor being shirtless?  They’d both been naked in the hot springs last night.  How was this different?

In any case, it was adorable.  

“I’m almost done in here,” Yuuri said quickly.

“I’m in no hurry,” Victor replied with a wave of his hand, his ring momentarily glinting in the light of the room.  Still, Yuuri expedited his tooth-brushing, ran a comb through his hair, and scurried out of the bathroom.  Victor laughed when Yuuri was out of earshot.  He hadn’t seen him all frazzled like that since the beginning of their relationship. 

Perhaps that was a good sign.

* * *

There was no denying Victor was attractive. 

Yuuri hadn’t had room to think about it in the onsen.  His mind was too preoccupied with the pain of his amnesia, the embarrassment of still not remembering his two closest friends.  Seeing Phichit skate reopened the wound in a sense, but he couldn’t bring himself to take his eyes off the television screen.  Some piece of him – a strong one – felt drawn to the music and the ice and the beautiful movements of the skater, as if a force was physically pulling at Yuuri’s heart and soul.  He knew that skating spoke to him.  Which made it all the more frustrating when he failed once again to remember.

Victor had been so kind and patient with him last night.  He’d been kind and patient this whole time, really.  But something about being in the hot springs with him, having Victor’s arms around him while he cried, made Yuuri realize just how much Victor cared about him.  Victor didn’t seem to mind that Yuuri had amnesia.  He didn’t treat him with excessive pity, he didn’t act aggravated.  Instead, he was exactly what Yuuri needed him to be: someone to lean on.  Someone who tried to understand what he was going through and, instead of forcing a conversation or babying him, made Yuuri feel like he could be open and vulnerable with him.  With him, he was able to express his feelings on his own terms.  Victor didn’t know how much Yuuri appreciated that.

After they got out of the water and Yuuri climbed into bed, though, his mind wandered to how Victor’s bare skin felt against his own.  It was comforting in a way that was almost familiar.  And now that he had time to think about it, Yuuri realized he wanted to feel it again.  Not just for the comfort, but for… other things, as well.  His cheeks had heated at that thought. 

It didn’t help that Victor came in this morning shirtless, panting, and glistening with sweat.  Yuuri fled that room as fast as he could.  It would be way too awkward if Victor caught on that Yuuri was attracted to him but didn’t feel the same way about Yuuri.  Their relationship probably wasn’t like that.  They were just friends, as far as Yuuri knew.  He didn’t want to cross any lines with Victor. 

Yuuri sat down for breakfast with his sister, who smiled at him when he came in.  “Morning, sleepyhead,” Mari said. 

“Morning,” Yuuri replied, already digging into his bowl of delicious food. 

“Did you sleep well?”

Yuuri shrugged.  Truthfully, he had slept better in the past few days than he had in weeks. 

Mari pointed at him with a chopstick.  “I’ll take that as a yes.”  There was a pregnant pause in which Yuuri could tell Mari was struggling not to bring up what happened last night.  Yuuri at least appreciated that she tried to respect his boundaries when it came to the touchy subject of his amnesia.  

To avoid the topic altogether, Yuuri struck up a conversation about how _she_ was doing.  Apparently she met a boy recently that she thought she was developing a crush on. 

Just when Victor entered the room, now fresh and clean from his shower, Mari stood and uttered something about wanting a cigarette.  Yuuri watched her leave with one eyebrow raised.  Was she trying to leave him and Victor alone together?

Victor plopped next to Yuuri and smiled at him.  Yuuri smiled back.  Victor had a sort of childlike excitement about him this morning.  What was he thinking about?

“Breakfast?” Yuuri offered.

Victor shook his head.  “I already ate.”

“Ah.” 

“We should do something fun together today,” Victor said.  “Like bake cookies!”

Yuuri chuckled.  “Bake cookies?” 

“Yes, bake cookies.  Pleeeease?”  Yuuri laughed harder at the way Victor drew out the word.

“Alright, sure.  Why not?”  It was better than sitting around being bored all day.  Yuuri wasn’t much of a baker, but it sounded like it could be fun.

Victor grinned.  “Great!  We can go out to the store for ingredients after you get dressed.”

So, they did.  Yuuri barely had time to put on his coat before Victor grabbed his hand and practically ran out the door.  Yuuri snatched a couple of their reusable shopping bags on his way out. 

Victor somehow knew where the nearest grocery store was.  They picked up one of the green shopping baskets when they walked through the automatic doors, and then Victor made a beeline for the baking section.

“Victor, slow down!” Yuuri said as he picked up the pace to keep up with Victor’s long strides.  “We don’t even know what kind of cookies we’re making yet.” 

Victor stopped in front of the flour and pretended to stroke a non-existent beard.  “Let’s look up a good recipe.” 

Yuuri pulled out his phone, and Victor leaned in close to peer at the screen, their shoulders brushing.  They settled on making sugar cookies that they could decorate with frosting and sprinkles.  Yuuri read off the ingredients for homemade dough from his phone while Victor dropped the items into their basket.  He even threw in a few cookie cutters.

Once they had everything, they got in line to check out.  Yuuri got out some money to pay, but Victor shut him down.

“I’m paying,” Victor said with a tone of finality.

Yuuri frowned.  “I don’t think so.”  The young woman scanning their items glanced between the two of them. 

“Yuuri, I will be immensely happy if you let me pay for our cookie ingredients.  And if you don’t, I will cry forever.”

Yuuri snorted and rolled his eyes.  “That’s a bit over-the-top, don’t you think?” 

Victor winked, and Yuuri prayed that the blush he could feel in his face wasn’t noticeable.  “I’m always over-the-top.”

With a sigh, Yuuri conceded to let Victor pay, and then they started the short walk back home.  A note on the table from his mom told them that his family was out running errands.  Yuuri and Victor had the place to themselves for a while. 

The two of them headed straight into the kitchen and emptied the contents of their grocery bags onto the counter.  Yuuri started organizing everything while Victor read over the first steps in the recipe they found.

“The measuring cups are right above you,” Yuuri told Victor as he preheated the oven.  Victor took them out of the cabinet and began measuring out the specified amounts of flour and baking soda and baking powder.  Yuuri came up beside him with a small glass bowl.  “Here, put all that in this.”

Victor dumped everything in, somehow getting some in his hair, and Yuuri handed him a wooden spoon to stir with.  “I say we turn this into a competition,” Victor suggested. 

“A competition?” 

“Yes.  Whoever has the best-decorated cookie wins.”

“Who will the judge be?”

“Hmm…. Makkachin can judge!”

Yuuri snickered at the image of the dog picking the best cookie. “That’s a terrible idea.  He’ll just eat them all.” 

“Touché,” Victor sighed.  “We’ll get your sister to do it, then.”

Yuuri nodded.  “You’re on.”  He held out a hand to shake.  Victor chuckled and shook it firmly.  Yuuri’s heart skipped a beat at the touch, and he inwardly chastised himself for it.  Victor’s hand lingered on his for a moment.  Yuuri looked up to see the taller man smiling softly down at him.

The urge to kiss him suddenly took Yuuri over, and he quickly took a step back.  Seriously, what was wrong with him?  For one thing, though he was technically good friends with Victor, right now it was like he just met him.  Second of all, there was a high chance the feeling was not reciprocated.  “What’s next on the list?” 

“We need a bigger bowl to beat the rest of the ingredients together,” Victor said, seemingly oblivious to Yuuri’s internal struggle.

“I’ll get them.”  Yuuri retrieved the bowl, but he couldn’t locate the electric mixer.  He frowned.  “That’s weird.  I know we have one.”  They usually kept it in the cabinet under the cutlery drawer.  He checked again, and then looked around a couple other places in the kitchen.  “Huh.”

Victor hummed in thought.  “Maybe it got misplaced.”

“I don’t see it anywhere in here,” Yuuri said with confusion.  Then he got an idea.  “I think I know where we might keep our old one.  I’ll be right back.” 

Victor nodded.  “Alright.  I’ll make sure nothing happens to our beautiful mixture.”

“You better,” Yuuri joked back.  “We worked hard on that.”  Victor smirked. 

Yuuri stepped out of the kitchen to check the storage closet, clicking on the one dim light bulb that hung from the ceiling.  He dug around for the mixer for a few minutes, but it seemed he was out of luck.  They would have to settle for doing it by hand with a spoon.    

Just as he turned to leave, something in the back corner caught his eye.  It looked like the end of a poster.  Something - Yuuri couldn’t put a finger on what - piqued his curiosity.  He thought he recognized the faded colors and bent corner of that poster…

Yuuri figured Victor could wait another minute or so and made his way to the back of the room.  He carefully stepped around and over the items that were gathered on the floor.  His mother would not be happy if he broke something in here. 

The poster was tucked into a box, which Yuuri pulled toward himself.  He opened all the flaps to find the box full of what looked skating memorabilia.  There were a pair of skates, lots of medals, a jacket, and a couple other objects in there.  Yuuri started with the poster.  He pulled it out all the way and unrolled it to its full height.  A small gasp left his mouth.

The poster was of Victor.  A _young_ Victor, with youthful eyes and long hair that was pulled back into a ponytail that flowed behind him.  He was skating in a stunning black and glittery outfit, his body frozen in the midst of gliding across the ice, his arms gracefully outstretched.  Yuuri clutched at his head.  He remembered this poster. He knew he did.  It used to be plastered onto his bedroom wall. 

Did this mean he used to look up to Victor as an idol?  Why else would he have a poster of teenage-Victor on his wall?  

Yuuri quickly rolled the poster back up and put it aside.  He would think more on that later.  He reached back into the cardboard box, his hand grazing over the ice skates.  He picked up one of the medals and examined it closely in the faint lighting of the room.  Second place in the World Championships?  

“Wow…” Yuuri breathed, unsure of what to make of all this.  He supposed he knew he was a good skater - everyone he knew talked about it.  But having a visual, tangible representation of that idea was a little surreal.  Before, people’s stories were just that: stories.  Now, it all seemed much more real.  

Yuuri put the medal back with the others, and a small clink resounded.  He reached for what looked like a photo album that was propped up at the back of the box.  As he did, though, his fingers bumped into something else he hadn’t noticed before: a small box, one that could fit in the palm of his hand.  He took the tiny box, the album forgotten for now, and opened the lid.  Immediately his eyes widened.

Inside was a gold ring.

Yuuri scrambled back to the center of the room, ignoring the sound of another box toppling to the floor, and thrust his arm up to hold the ring closer to the light.  It looked identical to the one Victor wore.   

He slowly lowered his arm, now staring ahead of him at nothing in particular.  Why would he have a ring exactly like Victor’s?  They must have been good enough friends to give each other such nice good-luck charms.  That had to be it.  A sign of friendship and good sportsmanship between them.  Right?

Yuuri tucked the ring into his pocket and went back into the kitchen, leaving the part of his identity he couldn’t remember in the corner of the closet.  He didn’t have time to go down that rabbit-hole right now.  He had actually been enjoying himself baking with Victor.

Said Russian pouted upon seeing Yuuri return empty-handed.  “Nothing?”

Yuuri shook his head.  “No, nothing at all.”

“Oh, well,” Victor said with a shrug, and he picked up their backup spoon.  “Do you want to mix, or shall I?”  He gestured to the both of them with the utensil. 

“You go ahead,” Yuuri said, his mind still reeling with what he found in that cardboard box.  Thankfully Victor didn’t seem to notice, and he went right into vigorously stirring the batter.  

Yuuri decided against bringing any of it up with Victor – not right now, anyway.  Instead, he did his best to put it out of his mind and focus on the current task at hand.  After a while of rapidly mixing the batter, they finally got it to the point where they could roll it into balls of dough. 

They got the cookies into the oven and waited for them to bake.  Yuuri tidied up to pass the time.

“Are you alright?” Victor asked from behind him.  “You got kind of quiet.”

Damn, so he _had_ caught on.  Yuuri smiled at him over his shoulder.  “Yes, I’m fine.”  He wiped off the counter. 

“Are you sure?” Victor said with a twinge of concern.

Yuuri nodded.  Then, he said quietly, “Thank you, by the way.  For being here, and for last night, and… just, thanks.”

Victor smiled that beautiful, soft smile again.  “You’re welcome, Yuuri.”

The oven beeped, and Yuuri took the cookies out of the oven.  They were just finishing decorating when Yuuri’s parents and sister came back home from.   Victor was particularly proud of the one he made to look like Makkachin’s head.  Admittedly, it was pretty impressive. 

Mari deemed the competition a tie, which neither Yuuri nor Victor found acceptable.  They were both too competitive for that.  Both of them protested until she finally picked a winner.

Yuuri was not happy with the result.  “What do you mean Victor wins?!”

“Oh, don’t sulk, little brother,” Mari chided.  “You have to admit his cookie-art skills are a little better than yours.”

Yuuri frowned, turned to Victor, and poked him in the chest. “I call a redo later,” he demanded.

Victor’s lips twisted into an amused smile.  “Is someone a sore loser?”

“Only because you’re a sore winner!”  Yuuri had never seen someone look so pleased to get an insult thrown his way.  “What are you smiling about?”

The grin on Victor’s face widened even more.  “Nothing,” he said.  “I just missed this.”

* * *

Yuuri snuck the box into his room that night.

He stared at the medals and the skates and the poster and the jacket, trying to force his brain to make the connections it was supposed to.  He didn’t open the photo album.  After finding the ring, he was too afraid to.

The ring… Yuuri sat on his bed and held it in his palms.  Was it possible it was more than a token of friendship?  What if it was?  Yuuri couldn’t figure out how to feel about that.  He knew there was a lot to his relationship with Victor that he wasn’t aware of.  But maybe it was even bigger than that.

Then again, maybe it wasn’t.  He could be jumping to conclusions that were completely outrageous.

Yuuri closed his fingers around the ring, clutching it tightly.  He didn’t need to know all the answers now.  He would cross that bridge when he got to it.

 _If_ he got to it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that time I was supposed to be working on my other fic but I cranked out a new chapter for this one instead? Whoops... 
> 
> Please let me know how I did on this chapter! I'm curious to hear your thoughts.
> 
> Tumblr: [@devwrites22](http://www.devwrites22.tumblr.com)


	5. Chapter 5

_The smell of freshly-brewed coffee pulled Victor from sleep.  Morning light flooded in through the large, eastward-facing window, which was half-concealed by a curtain of satin.  Just outside that window, St. Petersburg was beginning to wake._

_Victor didn’t get out of bed just yet, though.  He pulled the covers up to his chin, breathing deeply to take in that coffee scent again.  Yuuri didn’t care for the drink as much as he liked tea, but since he was usually the first to rise in the morning, he always made some for Victor.  Because Yuuri was the most caring, thoughtful person in the world._

_This, Victor could get used to.  This is the life he never truly realized he wanted until he met Yuuri.  Peaceful mornings spent in quiet closeness, movie nights snuggled under a blanket, unwinding from a day of practice with a bubble bath, nose kisses, long hugs… all with the person he loved most._

_Sometimes, just sometimes, Victor wondered if this was all a dream.  And when he did wonder it, like he was right now, he would get out of bed, pad into the kitchen, and wrap his arms around Yuuri’s waist.  He would bury his face in Yuuri’s hair and hear Yuuri tell him good morning, and he would be reminded that yes, this truly was real._

* * *

“As I’m sure most of you have figured out by now, I dropped out of this season’s Grand Prix due to my fiancé’s head injury.  I won’t go into detail about it, because that is personal to him, but I will say that he is recovering well.  

“I’m sure you understand the importance of family and love.  I felt that I could not continue to skate while Yuuri faces a major injury.  He would do the same for me if I was the one who fell.   

“Yes, I plan to return to the ice once all this is behind us.  I know a little while ago I considered retiring to focus on being Yuuri’s coach, but this is unrelated.  You’ll be seeing much more of me.  Never fear!

“I ask that you please continue to be respectful and refrain from approaching Yuuri while he is recovering.  What he needs right now is some space. Thank you to our fans for all your support - don’t think I haven’t noticed the tweets and Instagram posts!  I’ll be active on social media again soon. Oh, and shout-out to the conspiracy theorists who came up with some crazy stories about why I suddenly stopped skating.  You all are certainly creative!

“Thank you also to the sponsors who have stuck with me during this period of uncertainty.  Rest assured, your support hasn’t gone unnoticed, and it will pay off soon.  I will be back on the ice winning gold medals in no time.  Just you wait.”

Victor left as soon as he finished making his statement.  He knew people would have questions, but they would have to settle for what he just gave them.  Which was a quite articulate and gracious explanation, thank you very much.  

The day before, he had gotten in contact with news stations in Hasetsu, including the town’s only international broadcasting company.  He agreed to come out into town to give a statement to whoever wanted it.  Naturally, a substantial crowd of reporters and cameramen turned up.

Victor was tempted to proclaim that Yuuri would also be skating again in the near future, but he didn’t know that for sure.  He didn’t want to put words into Yuuri’s mouth or make any promises on his behalf that Yuuri might not be able to (or want to) keep.  Though, Victor did hope with all his heart that his love would return to the ice with him soon.   

As soon as Victor returned to Yu-topia, he could hear arguing and Makkachin’s barking before he even stepped through the door.   

“- can’t ignore your problems forever, Yuuri!” Mari was yelling.

Sure enough, Victor walked into the living area to find the two siblings locked in a verbal brawl with Makkachin running nervous circles around them; the poor puppy never did like when people raised their voices.  Neither Mari nor Yuuri paid Victor or the dog any attention.  Victor wasn’t sure what to do - should he try to intervene? Or would that make things worse?

“I’m not ignoring anything!” Yuuri countered.

“Oh, _please_ , you so are!  You’re literally afraid of getting on the internet, you avoid anything even remotely related to your amnesia.  You’re getting in your own damn way.  This is why mom and dad were pushing for you to go to therapy.”

Therapy… why hadn’t Victor thought of that?  Surely people with amnesia could get help from cognitive therapists.

Yuuri, though, didn’t seem enthused by the idea.  “I told you, I don’t want to talk to anyone about it.  Especially strangers.”

Mari rolled her eyes.  “It’s not like you’d be spilling your heart out to some random person, therapists are literally trained to help people like you.”

“‘People like me’?”

“You know what I mean.  And, like, do you want your memories back or not?  You have to face reality at _some_ point, or you’re never going to move forward.”

“Stop pretending like you know what I’m dealing with!”  Yuuri sounded close to tears.

Mari threw her hands up.  “I’m not!”

It was at that point that Toshiya came in to break up the fight.  “Mari, Yuuri, that’s enough now.  You two are too old for this kind of thing.”

Yuuri and Mari glared at each other, neither of them moving for a moment, until Yuuri stormed out and slammed the door to his room.  A stretch of tense silence followed.

After a moment, Mari muttered something about needing a cigarette and stepped out of the house.  Toshiya sighed heavily and ran a hand over his face.  “I knew that was going to happen eventually.”

Victor knelt to console his dog.  Makka jumped into his lap, and Victor rubbed behind his ears.  He looked up at Toshiya.  “It must be hard for both of them,” he said in Japanese.

“It is for all of us,” Toshiya said tiredly.  Victor felt bad for Yuuri’s father.  While Hiroko appeared to be handling this whole situation well - at least on the surface - Toshiya showed physical evidence that it weighed on him.  It seemed that the lines in his face were deeper than before, his shoulders slightly more hunched.

“He’ll get there,” Victor assured him as he straightened back up from his position on the floor.  Makkachin licked his hand.  

“He has started to come out of his shell since you arrived,” Toshiya said reflectively.  He looked at Victor and said with sincerity, “Thank you.” 

Victor smiled.  “I’d do anything for him.  This is nothing.”  Truly.  It wasn’t as though Victor was doing anything special; he was simply… _here_.  Doing things he would normally do with Yuuri.  Like taking Makka on walks and having spontaneous bake-offs and holding him when he was sad.

Toshiya gave him a pat on the shoulder before leaving the room.  “Not nothing,” he said in heavily-accented English as he walked away.  “It’s everything.”

Victor hummed, letting the words sit with him for a moment.  Yuuri’s father really appreciated him being here.  It made Victor feel warm inside.  Even after all this time, the feeling of belonging to a family still occasionally took him by surprise.

Which wasn’t to say that Yakov and the Russian figure skating team weren’t his family, too.  Yakov would always be a father to him - that man took Victor under his wing from an early age, in more ways than just teaching him how to skate.  Victor barely remembered his biological parents.  When he thought back on his childhood, Yakov was the one he pictured.

And then there was Mila, Georgi, Yurio.  His fellow skaters.  The people he had trained with for years, who he had become intimately close with.  It was hard not to, when training rigorously in the same rink and competing together for such an extended period of their lives.  Despite not having as much time with Yurio as he did Georgi and Mila, he still regarded him as a brother.  Obviously there was also Christophe, who, despite not being on the Russian team, was Victor’s closest friend. Besides his Yuuri, of course.   

But all of that was somehow different than having parents and a sister.  Of feeling a part of a real familial unit.  Not necessarily better or worse.  Just… different.  He wouldn’t be able to choose between his two families if someone put a gun to his head.  (So it was a good thing he didn’t have to.)

One could argue he did choose in a way, albeit temporarily.  His skating family was still doing what they did best - skating.  And he was here in Hasetsu with his fiancé. Yuuri needed him right now more than the world of figure skating did.  Besides, it’s not like Victor was abandoning anyone. He was sure everyone understood. Including the rest of the people who supported him worldwide, now that he made an official statement.  Surely that would air soon and the confusion would be cleared up. 

In the meantime, though, Yuuri remained Victor’s main focus.

With a deep breath, Victor headed to Yuuri’s room.  Yuuri might not want to talk to anyone right now, but he probably didn’t want to be alone either.  Victor softly knocked a few times on the door.

“Go away, Mari,” came a feeble voice from inside.

“It’s me,” Victor murmured.  “Can I come in?”

A small pause, and then, “Okay.”

Victor opened Yuuri’s door, stepped in, and closed it behind him.  Yuuri was sitting on his bed with his knees pulled up to his chest.  He had clearly been crying.  Victor sat beside him, and  Yuuri’s gaze shifted to the floor.  

“Siblings, right?” Victor said after a moment in an attempt to lighten the mood.  “I mean, I don’t have any myself, but I can see how they can be a handful.”

Yuuri glanced up at him with a look that was not exactly amused, but it was worth a shot.  

Then he swallowed thickly.  “She’s right.”

Victor tilted his head.  “About what?”

Yuuri twisted a loose thread from his bedding around the tip of his finger.  “The right thing to do would be to see a therapist.  But they cost so much, and I… I’m not good at talking to people about personal things.  You’re the only one it’s actually easy to talk to.”

Victor smiled softly.  “I’m glad you feel that way.  Not that I’m the only person that you can talk to, but that you can talk to me at all.”  He put his arms behind him on the bed and rested his weight against them.  “Therapy isn’t always the best option for everyone,” he offered.  “There is no right or wrong.”

Yuuri sighed.  “I guess.  But… she’s still right about me avoiding things.”  Victor could feel frustration emanate from the other man.  “Why is it easier to hide from it? Why can’t I just face it?”  

“Yuuri…”  Victor gently placed his fingers under Yuuri’s chin, tilting his head to make him look at him.  “It’s okay to do this at your own pace.  Whatever feels right to you, that’s what you should do.  If that means taking more time before you confront the amnesia, whatever that looks like for you, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

Their eyes locked for a long moment, Yuuri’s watering lightly.  “You really think so?”

Victor nodded.  “I do.”  

Victor sympathized with Yuuri’s fear when it came to his amnesia.  He might not know what it felt like to have it himself, but he understood where Yuuri was coming from when he said it was easy just to hide.  Yuuri was by no means a coward; something as life-altering as loss of memory would be terrifying for _anyone_.  Victor was sure that as much as Yuuri wanted to get better, as much as he wanted his memories back, that initial leap was probably daunting.  Not knowing who you are and having to re-learn things about yourself had to be unsettling, to say the least.

“Thank you,” Yuuri whispered.  

Victor was _this close_ to kissing him.  He shoved the instinct back and lowered his hand from Yuuri’s face.  “No need to thank me,” he said with a smile.  “I’m just telling you what I think.”

Yuuri opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted by scratching at the door.  “Is that Makkachin?”

Victor smirked and pushed open the door.  “That dog hates being alone.”  Makka bounded in and leapt straight onto Yuuri, effectively tackling him back onto the bed. Yuuri let out a yelp of surprise at being flattened by an oversized poodle, but he laughed and petted him nonetheless.

“Makkachin, will you stop that?” Victor scolded lightheartedly.

Yuuri shook his head.  “I don’t mind.”  After receiving lots of kisses and snuggles, Yuuri pushed Makka off him and sat up.  The dog sat with his front paws in Yuuri’s lap and wagged his tail.

“Makkachin loves you,” Victor said.  “Don’t you, puppy?”  Makka looked at Victor and wagged his tail harder.  Victor chuckled and rubbed his head.

“He seems familiar,” Yuuri said contemplatively.  “Not just because he looks like Vicchan.  There’s… something else.  I don’t know.”

Victor suppressed a snort.  Of course Yuuri would remember his dog before he remembered his fiancé.  Nevertheless, Victor’s heart soared.  Another piece of Yuuri’s metaphorical mind-puzzle was making its way into place.  “You two were acquainted before.”

“That makes sense.”  Yuuri brightened a little.  “So that means I’m remembering something.”

 Victor winked.  “It sure does.”

* * *

It was around tea time the next afternoon that Yakov called Victor to commend him on his “little speech,”  which was spread through multiple media outlets across the globe.  Apparently it tided over sponsors and put a stop to (most) conspiracy stories.  Victor was quite pleased with himself at that.  Plus it was nice to hear Yakov's approval.

Yakov also gave him an update on the Grand Prix, assuming Victor wasn’t paying much attention himself (an incorrect assumption, as Victor made sure to catch up on things before bed).  The Final was fast approaching, and it looked like Yurio, Phichit, JJ, Christophe, and Seung-gil Lee were all in the running to advance.  Mila of course had top scores in the women’s skating.

Victor didn’t see or hear Yuuri and Mari make up, but they were acting like their normal selves with each other again.  Victor wondered if that was an unspoken sibling thing - they didn’t need formal apologies after fights, they just carried on as usual.  Or maybe they’d done it in private, he had no idea. 

The three of them were enjoying Hiroko’s tea, which, in Victor’s opinion, was good enough to have the words “world famous” as a descriptor.  Now all he had to do was get people in other countries to taste it….

Yuuri sighed and set his teacup down. He was sitting next to Victor, close enough that Victor could brush their arms together if he just leaned a little to the right.  “What should we do today?”

“We could help your mother around the resort some more?” Victor suggested.

“She’s got it covered,” Mari replied.  “Things get a little slow here until the holiday season starts.”  She picked some dirt from under her fingernail.  “We could play a game?  We have Shogi.”

“That’s a two-person game,” Yuuri said.

Mari waved a hand.  “You two can play.  I’m going out later.”

Victor looked at Yuuri.  “You’ll have to teach me how to play, but I’m up for it.”

Yuuri sighed again.  “I don’t know… I need to do something _active_.  I know I didn’t just sit around the house all day before the accident.”

Immediately, a lightbulb went off in Victor’s head.  “Mari, exactly how long has it been since he left the hospital?”

* * *

“Victor, will you _please_ tell me where we’re going?” Yuuri asked for the fifth time, half-running to keep up with Victor’s long strides.  Their feet left prints in freshly-fallen, otherwise-undisturbed snow.

Once again, Victor smirked and shook his head.  “Nope.  It’s a surprise.”  

Yuuri was bundled up in a coat and gloves and a scarf on this particularly chilly day.  Victor, on the other hand, had only put on a light jacket despite the freezing temperature.  He knew he was about to work up a sweat anyway and would have to shed all the layers he had on.  Not to mention he was Russian.  This weather was almost nothing to him.

“Surprises aren’t always good,” Yuuri said skeptically.  

Victor laughed.  “This one will be.  You’ll see.”

“Okay…”

Victor beamed and sped up when the Ice Castle came into view.  It had been too long since he skated here.  Or at all, for that matter.  “Let’s go!”  He started up the stairs to the Ice Castle but paused in the middle upon realizing Yuuri was no longer walking with him.  Instead, he hesitated at the bottom of the staircase. 

“Yuuri? What’s wrong?”

Yuuri shuffled his feet.  “I really don’t know about this…" 

Victor trotted back down to ground level.  “Trust me, it will be fun.”  Yuuri still looked unsure.  “You can do it,” Victor promised, his tone softer.  “I won’t let you fall.”

Yuuri chewed on his lip.  “But what if I do?”

A bit of guilt nagged at Victor.  Maybe he shouldn’t have sprung this on him.  He took both of Yuuri’s hands.  “If you really don’t want to do this, we can turn back around.  But I think you’ll like it more than you think you will.  I’ll hold your hand the whole time, if you want.”

Yuuri looked up at him, debating it in his mind.  Finally he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and nodded.

Yuuko, who was talking to a customer when they got inside, lit up when she saw them.  “Yuuri!  Victor!  Oh my gosh, I didn’t expect to see you here!” she exclaimed as they approached the counter.  “How much begging did Victor do to get you to come?”

“Actually, Victor tricked me into this outing,” Yuuri said. 

“I did no such thing.  I was… _selective with the details of_ this outing.”

Yuuko laughed.  “Well I’m glad you came.  Shoes up here, please.”  She disappeared into the rows of cubbies to pick out the right skates for them.  Normally, they would both wear their own pairs rather than renting lower-quality ones from a rink.  But Victor didn’t bring his to Hasetsu, and telling Yuuri to bring his would have ruined the surprise, so used skates it was.

Victor and Yuuri put their shoes up on the counter for Yuuko, and she handed them their ice skates.  “Have fun, you two!”

“Thanks!”  Victor waved as he and Yuuri headed for the rink.  They sat on one of the empty benches to lace up their skates.

Off to the side, Victor heard some hushed chatter.  He glanced up to see a group of three children - probably around ten years old - staring at Yuuri and him and whispering excitedly amongst themselves as they took of their skates.  

 _How cute!_ Victor thought.   _Tiny fans!_  He nudged Yuuri to get his attention.

One of the kids was elected to step forward and talked to them, it looked like, because the other two pushed her toward them and giggled.  She was adorable, with big green eyes and hair in a lopsided ponytail.   

“You’re Victor Nikiforov and Yuuri Katsuki,” she said in a small but awed voice.

Victor grinned.  “We are!”

The little girl squealed, as did the two friends behind her who were inching closer and closer.  “We’re your biggest fans!”

“Yeah!” the little boy in the group chimed in.  “We want to be like you when we grow up!” 

“Oh… I… thank you,” Yuuri stuttered.

“That’s very kind of you!” Victor said.  

From the doorway, their parents motioned for them to come over so they could go home.  Disappointment crossed each of the kids’ faces, but they picked up their skates and started to leave anyway.

Before they passed, Victor whispered, “You know what?  I bet with enough work and determination, you’ll be even _better_ than Yuuri and me one day.”

That blew all three of their little minds.  They gasped and became caught up in a whirlwind of excitement, each of them speaking over one another as they ran over to their parents to tell them what just happened.

“People love you here,” Victor told Yuuri as he brought him to the barrier.  “You’re kind of famous.”  He opened the spot on the barrier that swung out to make a doorway onto the ice and stepped on.  The familiar feeling of his skates gliding over it made Victor’s throat tighten momentarily.  He had really missed this.  “Are you coming?”  He reached out to Yuuri.  

Yuuri eyed Victor’s outstretched hand, then the ice.  Victor kept his hand out, a silent offering.  Yuuri breathed in slowly, and then he tentatively took Victor’s hand and let him gently pull him onto the ice.  His lips were pressed tightly together in concentration, as if he didn’t trust himself to keep his balance.  

“I’ve got you,” Victor said.  He gave Yuuri’s hand a squeeze.

Yuuri swallowed and nodded.  He moved his feet back in forth a little, skating in place to get a feel for it.

Victor watched him.  “How does it feel?”

“Familiar,” Yuuri answered.  Unprompted, he pushed off the wall and started to skate.  Victor was tugged along with him until he blinked away the mild surprise and caught up.

They skated in a leisurely circle around the rink, Victor picking up the pace just a little halfway through.  Yuuri had no trouble keeping up with him.  Victor wished he could read the other man’s mind right now; the look on Yuuri’s face told him there were a million thoughts racing through it.

“You look astonished,” Victor noted.

“It’s easier than I expected,” Yuuri said.  “I guess my body knows I’ve done this before, even if my mind doesn’t.”

Victor smiled.  “Do you want to try it by yourself?”

A look of determination crossed Yuuri’s features, and he nodded.  Victor slowly let go, still gliding alongside Yuuri.  Yuuri didn’t even falter.

Victor’s whole body felt energized, more alive than it had been before he stepped onto the ice.  He heard his heart thrumming in his chest, felt the cool air against his skin, breathed in the scent of ice.  His mind was calm, at peace.  He was skating again, and his Yuuri was skating with him.  

His Yuuri… though he still didn’t have his memories back, Victor knew there was something there.  There had to be.  Yuuri became more adventurous after a few laps, daring to use some fancier footwork in the center of the rink.  And the way he was skating… Victor realized Yuuri was performing a step sequence from one of his old routines.  The Eros short program.  

All was going well until Yuuri’s foot twisted the wrong way, sending his body on a plummet.  Fear flashed in his eyes, but Victor quickly caught him with a hand under his elbow.  

“See?  I told you I wouldn’t let you fall.”  Victor smirked down at Yuuri.

And then, to Victor’s utter surprise, Yuuri kissed him.

It wasn’t often one got the opportunity to have a first kiss for a second time.  Victor's brain was stuck in a state of shock for a moment, hardly able to process what was happening.  But then it caught up with the present, and his knees almost buckled.  Yuuri’s lips were even softer than Victor remembered, his taste even sweeter.  Victor’s heart raced as if it was trying to escape his chest to be closer to Yuuri. 

Yuuri’s kiss was somehow confident and hesitant at the same time.  Yuuri’s hand came up to grip Victor’s shirt, but his mouth against Victor’s felt tentative, restrained.  Almost as though he was holding himself back from what he really wanted.  Tears sprang to Victor’s eyes, but this time, they were joyful ones.  A weight in his chest was alleviated, as though the ache that had settled there was finally being released.  

All too soon, Yuuri pulled away.  He was an alarming shade of red, and he was stuttering some sort of apology.  Victor barely heard it.  He pulled Yuuri closer by the waist, their skates sliding across the ice to bring their bodies together, and he kissed him again.  Deeply, passionately.  His resolve was gone; there was no way he could possibly hold back now.  Not when Yuuri just made the first move.  

The feeling of Yuuri kissing him back was enough to make his head spin.

“Victor, are you crying?” Yuuri mumbled against Victor’s lips.  They parted again, but their faces remained close.  Yuuri was looking at him with concern etched into his features.  Maybe even guilt.

“Oh, I guess I am,” Victor said with a watery smile.  He wiped the tears from his cheeks.

The look of distress deepened.  “Why?  What’s wrong?”

Victor shook his head.  “Nothing is wrong.”  His smile grew into a grin.  “I’m happy, Yuuri.”  

“Oh…”  A bashful yet flirtatious smile played at Yuuri’s lips, his eyes shining with tenderness.  “Then… you won’t mind if I kiss you again?”

A laugh escaped Victor because _god no_ , he wouldn’t mind, this was something he had been desperate for for weeks now.  He slid his hands up Yuuri’s arms to his shoulders to his face, cradling it in his palms and brushing his thumbs over those beautiful cheekbones.  “I won’t mind that at all.”

* * *

There was a question at the forefront of Yuuri’s mind as they left the ice rink.  Victor could see it in his eyes.  

He didn’t ask it right away, though.  “That was fun,” he said.  “I’m glad you brought me here.”

“I’m glad, too,” Victor said, lacing their fingers together.  Yuuri hadn’t let go of his hand since they kissed, which Victor was sure as hell not complaining about.

Yuuri chuckled.  “I have no clue what I was doing.”

“You were doing part of an old program,” Victor explained.  “That step sequence you did in there?  I taught you that.  Choreographed it myself, actually.  Not bad, huh?”

Yuuri looked up at him.  “You did?”

Victor nodded.  “I was your coach after you stopped training under Celestino.” 

“Oh… I had no idea.”

Victor could have told him that earlier, he supposed.  He hadn’t really thought about it.

Again, that same curiosity sparked in Yuuri’s eyes.  This time, he voiced the question.  “Did you…?  Were we…?  Um, you wanted to kiss me.” 

Victor chuckled nervously, looking ahead at the horizon.  “I did.”  He wasn’t sure what to say next.  That they were dating?  Engaged?  Would Yuuri be mad at him for not telling him?  Would he feel weird about it?  “I’ve had a crush on you for a long time.”

The half-lie sat heavily on Victor’s tongue.  But there was a huge jump from being friends with someone to being engaged.  Yes, Yuuri kissed him, but that didn’t mean Yuuri all of a sudden wanted to marry Victor.  He was afraid Yuuri wouldn’t take it well, that learning they were engaged would be too big of a bomb to drop on him. Victor would have to continue on the path of baby steps until the time was right to tell the whole truth.  Or until Yuuri remembered.  Whichever came first. 

Yuuri nodded a few times at the new piece of information.  He looked like he wanted to say more, like Victor’s answer only raised more questions, but he stayed silent. 

Hiroko was just finishing making dinner when they got back home.  Victor happily filled his belly with the warm, delicious comfort-food while the whole family shared conversation over their meals.  Hiroko’s and Mari’s faces lit up when Yuuri talked about going skating.  Toshiya was worried that Yuuri wasn’t ready for physical activity of that nature, but Yuuri insisted he felt fine.  He didn’t mention the kiss, so Victor kept his mouth shut about it, too.  

Everyone pitched in to help clean the dishes, and then they gathered to watch a movie, as per Hiroko’s suggestion.  They put on _Seven Samurai_ \- Toshiya claiming that Victor had to see it at least once - and got comfortable in the living room. There was no way Yuuri’s family didn’t notice how close he and Victor were sitting on the couch.  

The movie was good, but it was _long_.  So long that by the end of it, Victor and Yuuri were the only ones left.  And even then, Yuuri was asleep.  Victor was almost there, himself.  He was half-sitting and half-lying against the couch cushions.  Yuuri’s head had drooped onto Victor’s shoulder, making it so he was almost lying on top of him.

Victor could wake Yuuri up to get him into a real bed... but he wanted this moment to last a little longer.  He lightly ran his fingers through Yuuri’s dark hair, and Yuuri hummed in his sleep.  Victor pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

Before he knew it, he was asleep, too.  In the background,  _Seven Samurai_ quietly played on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, the notes on this have blown up in the past day or so! Thank you to Iru for the [beautiful art](http://iruutciv.tumblr.com/post/168970645316/commission-i-did-for-devwrites22-for) from Chapter 4!! I love it so much <3 
> 
> Thanks for reading/commenting/etc! I had a lot of fun writing this chapter.
> 
> Tumblr: [@devwrites22](http://www.devwrites22.tumblr.com)


	6. Chapter 6

Yuuri woke up pressed against another body, something he couldn’t say he was expecting.  He also realized he was not in his bed, but rather, on the couch.  He must have fallen asleep here during the movie last night.

Before even opening his eyes, Yuuri knew the person he was snuggling with was Victor.  His head was resting against Victor’s chest, which rose and fell with his deep, dozing breaths.  There was such a comfort about his scent, his touch, that Yuuri didn’t want to get up.

Yuuri’s mind went straight to the kisses they shared yesterday, and a blush spread across his cheeks.  He hadn’t _meant_ to kiss him, it just… happened.  Victor was sweet and charming and so damn beautiful that Yuuri couldn't help himself.  Luckily, Victor’s response was enthusiastic.

Victor sighed lightly in his sleep, and Yuuri finally opened his eyes to look at him.  Yup, damn beautiful.  His face was peaceful, relaxed, giving an innocent softness to his features.  Strands of his silver hair fell across his eyes, one getting caught on his eyelashes. Yuuri very gently brushed that strand away with his fingertips.

So this man, Yuuri’s friend and coach, had a crush on him.  A hundred different possibilities popped up.  Had Yuuri liked him back before he forgot who he was?  Was it more than a crush?  Perhaps they were dating.  Or in love.  Oh, god, what if they had been in love and now Yuuri didn’t remember?  It would kill him, he was sure, if things were the other way around.

But… Victor would have told him that by now, right?  He would have said it when Yuuri asked him about the kiss while they were returning home from the Ice Castle yesterday.  He would have told him the truth.

The ring actually made more sense now that Yuuri knew Victor was both his friend and his coach.  That seemed like something Victor would get for the both of them - something tangible for Yuuri to have to remind him that someone believed in him whenever he started to doubt himself.  Because there was no way he became an internationally-renowned ice skater without battling with his anxiety.

And yet, a voice in his head still wondered, _What if it is something more?_

Yuuri thought about the box that was now stashed under his bed, the photo album it contained which he hadn’t yet dared to look at.  It could very well hold the secrets he was looking for, the key to unlocking his memories.  Something was holding him back, though, and he wasn’t even sure what.  Fear?  Fear of what?  Of the foundation of his current world crumbling?  That seemed… somewhat irrational, didn’t it?  Surely his life before the amnesia wasn’t too drastically different from the one he was living now.  

Then again, if his family was sure it wouldn’t cause trouble, why had they hidden it?  Honestly, Mari had no right to be mad at him for running from his amnesia when she had played a role in keeping him guarded.

With a deep breath, Yuuri made the decision to look at the album.  Maybe he would have Victor with him, just in case.  Victor, who had been his rock this past week, who had kept him feeling grounded and safe when he needed it most. _It’s time_ , Yuuri thought. He had to do this.  Soon.

A mere handful of minutes after Yuuri woke up, Victor stirred and opened his eyes.  His lips broke in to a lazy grin upon him making eye contact with Yuuri.  “Good morning, Yuuri,” he said, his accent thicker and his voice husky from sleep.

Yuuri swallowed and sat up, subtly folding one leg over the other.  That voice… _did things_ to him.  “Good morning,” he responded.

Victor sat up too and stretched his arms above his head.  “We must have fallen asleep during the movie.”

Yuuri, whose eyes were now trained on the exposed skin of Victor’s abdomen, blinked and swallowed again.  He shifted his line of sight back up to Victor’s face.  “I’m not surprised.  It’s over three hours long.”  Yuuri found it hilarious that even his father, who had suggested the movie in the first place, went to bed halfway through.  His father never was good at staying up late.

Victor had a knowing smirk on his face, and Yuuri blushed because he had definitely just caught him staring at his abs.  Victor simply made an “mhm” sound and leaned in to kiss Yuuri.  Yuuri gladly met him halfway.  

Kissing Victor was both a breath of fresh air and a swim in a roiling ocean.  Yuuri felt like he was falling and flying at the same time, and he didn’t want either sensation to stop.  Yuuri had never had such a mix of feelings before, and he was all too happy to be consumed by them.  Victor’s tongue nudged at Yuuri’s lips, and suddenly Yuuri couldn’t remember his own name.  He opened his mouth against Victor’s, pressing closer to him.  Victor sighed contentedly and wrapped his arms around Yuuri to hold him closer.   _Not close enough_ , Yuuri thought.  He looped his arms around Victor’s neck, melting when one of Victor’s hands slid underneath his shirt and up to his chest.

Yuuri had never felt such an intense need for someone in his life.

The sound of footsteps jostled Yuuri from the blissful haze that came with being kissed by a handsome Russian.  He separated from Victor, scooting away and fiddling with his appearance just before his mother walked in, praying she didn’t detect anything out of the ordinary.

“Oh, hello, boys!  Did you two sleep on the couch last night?”

Yuuri was sure he was bright red.  “Accidentally.”

His mother chuckled.  “Well, I’m about to vacuum in here.  Up you go.”

Victor stood, smiling at Yuuri’s mother and greeting her good morning before heading for his room.  Yuuri went into his own and changed clothes, pulling on a t-shirt and comfortable pants.  

Victor came into the bathroom while Yuuri was brushing his teeth, and Yuuri moved over to make room for him.

“So,” Victor said as he squeezed some toothpaste onto his toothbrush, “what’s on the agenda for today?”

“Skating,” Yuuri said automatically.  “I want to skate.”  Skating yesterday made him feel free, made him feel at home.  Something deep inside him had connected with the ice.  His brain was still struggling for clarity, but Yuuri knew in his heart that’s where he belonged.  He wanted to have that feeling again.

Victor kissed his cheek, and Yuuri’s heart skipped a beat.  “Skating it is.”  

* * *

Aside from taking Makkachin on a short walk, Victor and Yuuri spent the entire morning in the Ice Castle.  People came and went, visiting for a little while to skate for fun, but Yuuri apparently couldn’t get enough.  Victor was delighted by that.

Victor’s mind was preoccupied by their little makeout session earlier.  It felt _so good_ to kiss Yuuri like that again.  To touch his skin, to hold his body close, to get lost in the feeling of his tongue.  Victor craved more, but this was still technically new territory for Yuuri.  He didn’t want to pressure Yuuri into doing something he wasn’t completely comfortable with.

If Yuuri was thinking about the same thing, it didn’t show.  He was concentrating on his skating.  He looked centered, relaxed.  Not only that, Victor realized, but he looked… happy.  

“I want to try something,” Yuuri said after a while.

“Oh?  What?” Victor said curiously.

“I… don’t actually know.”  

Victor’s brow furrowed, but he nodded anyway.  Yuuri moved to the center of the rink and stood still, head bowed.  _What is he up to?_ Victor wondered.  

Yuuri took a deep breath, holding it for a moment before releasing it.  Then he lifted his head, bringing an arm over it and then back down across his face as he spun in a slow circle and pushed himself forward.

Victor’s jaw nearly hit the floor.  Yuuri was skating [_Stammi Vicino_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=po-9s2gtT8E).

He quickly scurried off the ice to give Yuuri room and to watch him.  Victor wasn’t sure how, but Yuuri wasn’t missing a single move.  The hesitation he exhibited yesterday was nowhere to be seen.  Victor could practically hear the music through each glide of his foot, each twist of his body.  That came as no surprise to him.  Yuuri was adept at becoming one with his music; it came from him, emanated from his movements.  Victor could  _feel_ the song, as well as the story within it, just from sight alone.

This was not the reverent determination of that fateful performance that the triplets had recorded.   Nor was it the focused grace of a competition skate.  No, this was a kind of skating Victor had never seen in Yuuri before.  Not polished by any means, not presented with honed skill, but full of raw power and energy.  It was as if he was chasing after something that was just out of his reach.  

Come to think of it, Yuuri’s journey with amnesia could be translated very well into a skating routine.  Not that Victor wanted to exploit it.  But it was true the best programs were created from personal experiences.  

Yuuri saw the program through to the end and held the finishing position.  The last scrape of his skates against the ice echoed through the room, and a hush followed.  

“Wow,” Victor breathed, breaking the silence that fell over the rink.  

Yuuri looked at him, seemingly coming out of a trance.  He relaxed his body, his breath coming out in heavy puffs.  

“That was…”

“Probably pretty terrible,” Yuuri interrupted with a bashful grimace.

“I was going to say incredible,” Victor corrected him as he came back onto the ice.  “How did you know how to do that?”

Yuuri pushed his bangs out of his face.  “I could see it,” he said.  “The crowd.  You, in a tan trench coat.”  Victor’s heart leapt into his throat.  “I don’t really know where it came from,” Yuuri admitted.

“That was the routine that brought me here to Hasetsu the first time,” Victor said.  “It was one of my old routines from when I was younger.  You have a strong bond with it.”

Yuuri nodded and said, “I felt it.”  Then he started to skate toward the barrier.

Victor pouted.  “Where are you going?”

“I haven’t seen you skate yet.  Truly skate, I mean.”  Yuuri exited through the gap in the barrier and sat down in the first row of the bleachers, turning an expecting look to Victor.

The pout was replaced by a grin. 

Victor skated in passive circles for a minute while he contemplated which program to do.  Should he pick one of his own?  Or perhaps one that he choreographed for Yuuri?

After a moment of internal deliberation, he settled on _[Agape](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWJ-nH0apSg)_.  Romantic love.  If that wasn’t the appropriate choice for the place he was in now, he didn’t know what was.  

It was almost therapeutic.  As he skated, he could feel a sense of longing shine through.  Not only longing, but hope and joy as well.  The past few weeks really informed his performance.  Everything that had been tumbling around in his mind and heart during this visit to Hasetsu, as well as the weeks leading up to it, he was finally able to express at once.  This routine offered a much-needed release of everything that was still pent-up inside him.  

When he came to a standstill, he glanced to where Yuuri was sitting.  Even from the middle of the rink, Victor could see he had tears in his eyes.

“Amazing,” Yuuri whispered, and Victor found himself blushing.

“Almost as amazing as you,” he said with a flirty wink.

Yuuri laughed as he walked back over to the ice.  His skates clinked against the ground.  “Oh my god, Victor, that was so corny.”

Victor laughed too.  “Is that a complaint?”

Yuuri skated over and pecked Victor’s lips.  “No.”

Victor’s stomach filled with butterflies.  “Good.”

* * *

They agreed to call it quits for the day after a few more minutes of skating.  (Well, there was more kissing than skating taking place, to be honest.)  Yuuri was getting hungry and admittedly tired, and he was sure Victor was too.

Yuuri wasn’t sure how to put words to his relationship with Victor.  It was probably even more confusing for Victor, who hadn’t lost his memory and was now starting something over with Yuuri that they’d already had just a few weeks ago.  All Yuuri knew was that if he hadn’t fallen for Victor before, he sure as hell was now.  It made him feel a bit better to know they had known each other before, and he wasn’t _really_ developing such strong feelings for someone he met only days ago.  But how could he _not_ fall for someone like Victor?  Victor was the only one who made him smile again, made him _laugh_ again, since his accident.  Yuuri loved his family, and he had no idea what he would do without them, but for some reason it was Victor who showed him the kind of kindness and respect and patience he needed to truly start healing.

Not only that, but he was as talented as he was gorgeous.  If Victor was handsome in his everyday life, he was absolutely stunning when he skated.  Yuuri had never seen anyone move with such grace and finesse, such emotion.  It was enough to bring him to tears.  He was certain he could watch Victor skate all day every day and never grow bored with it.

Yuuri couldn't explain why he started skating that program other than to say some invisible string was tugging at him, beckoning him to try it.  He must have known how to skate it from muscle memory.  But there was something else there, too.  He knew the feeling that came with skating it, could even imagine his surroundings as if his brain realized he had done something like this before.  It was like a whisper of a memory that he could almost see, but as soon as he tried to grasp it, it disappeared.  So he pushed harder.  And harder.  Trying desperately to catch the memory before it flitted away.  

He’d almost had it.

“Oh, I left my scarf back there,” Victor said suddenly partway through their walk home.  He had brought a forest-green one with them to the Ice Castle, which he quickly discarded onto a bench.  He must have forgotten he had it.

“I’ll go back with you,” Yuuri offered as Victor turned around.

Victor waved a hand.  “That’s okay, we’re almost home.  Go warm up, I’ll be right there.”  He smiled at Yuuri, and Yuuri couldn’t help but smile back.  Victor had such a childlike glee to him when he was happy, and it was infectious.

Yuuri let Victor run off by himself while he walked the rest of the way home.  “Hello!” he called as he stepped inside.  No one answered.  “Mom?  Dad?  Mari?”  Still nothing.  They must have all gone out for lunch.  He didn’t blame them for not waiting for Victor and him - they hadn’t told anyone what time they thought they’d be back from skating.

Makkachin trotted in to the room.  Yuuri could instantly tell he had something in his mouth he wasn’t supposed to.  

“Makkachin.”

Makka froze and looked at Yuuri out of the corner of his eye.

“What do you have there?”

Because the dog could be as naughty as he was cute, he started to slowly creep away, jaws still clamped around what looked like a television remote.  

“Give that to me, please.  That’s not for dogs.”  Yuuri took a step toward Makka, who rapidly took off in a run.  “Makkachin!”  Yuuri chased after him.  “You’re supposed to drop it!  I asked nicely!”  

Unfortunately, Makka took those words to mean ‘Run faster!  This is such a fun game.’

Yuuri chased the excited poodle around the house until Makka barrelled into Victor’s room, effectively getting himself cornered.  He clambered onto Victor’s bed, pushing some papers off the nightstand with his paws in his haste.

“That was very bad of you,” Yuuri said, though he didn’t have the heart to sound too angry.  He didn’t want to hurt Makkachin’s feelings.  He pried the now-slobbery remote from the dog’s mouth.  “That’s kind of gross, Makkachin.”  Makka responded by panting and wagging his tail.  He looked quite pleased with himself.  Yuuri snorted and shook his head.

As he turned to leave and find something to wipe off the dog drool with, he noticed the papers that Makka had knocked to the floor.  He set the remote down for a second to tidy them up.  He gathered them and tapped them against the nightstand to make them neat before he put them back, and in the process, something caught his attention: his name.  

Curiosity took over, and Yuuri’s eyes scanned the top page.  It looked to be a letter to him from Victor…  Just short paragraphs in neat handwriting reflecting on the things that had happened yesterday.

“Huh,” Yuuri muttered aloud.  

And then he saw the word that stopped his heart.  Penned at the bottom of the page, written with Victor’s signature, was the word _fiancé_.

The word hit Yuuri like a train and rattled through his head, leaving him breathless and dizzy.  Did that mean what he thought it meant?  Of course it did - what other way could that possibly be interpreted?

Which meant that all this time….  

Yuuri riffled through the rest of the letters, both guilt and betrayal building more and more with each time that word stared back at him from the pages.

_Your adoring fiancé_

_Your gorgeous, brilliant, and ever so humble fiancé_

_Your loving fiancé_

_Your fiancé_

Tears stung his eyes and fell onto the pages he clutched in his hands.  His chest was too tight.  A crushing weight pressed down on him, making it harder to breathe.  The weight of his own shame, and of the lies he had been told.

In that moment, something inside Yuuri shattered.

* * *

Victor hurried home after he grabbed his scarf from where he’d left it in the Ice Castle.  He was looking forward to a big lunch and some snuggles with Yuuri under a soft blanket.

He felt as though he was walking on air.  Christophe was right - Yuuri was falling for him once more.  Even though he didn’t have his memories back - _yet_ \- their relationship was being rebuilt.  It made Victor feel amazing to know that no matter what happened, the love between them would never be extinguished. 

“I’m back!” Victor called when he walked through the door.  “Is your family home?”  He took off his coat and hung it up by the door.  Yuuri didn’t answer, so he assumed he just didn’t hear him.  Victor ambled into the living room.  “Yuuri?”

Victor instantly noticed something was off by the way Yuuri breezed past him, not even bothering to look at him.  He kept his head angled away from Victor, as if not wanting Victor to see his face.  “I need fresh air,” he mumbled quickly as he left the room. 

“Yuuri?”  Worry mounted within Victor.  “Yuuri, wait,” he said as he began to follow him.  Had something happened between the time Yuuri got back and the time Victor did?  

Victor caught up with Yuuri outside.  “What’s wrong?  Are you okay?”  Maybe he got in another fight with Mari.

Yuuri drew in a shaky breath, still not looking Victor in the eye.  “What are the rings for?”

Victor’s brow furrowed, thrown by the question and not fully comprehending what Yuuri was getting at.  “What?”

“ _What are the rings really for, Victor?_ ”  Yuuri’s stare was now directed right at him.  Victor’s shoulders went slack at the sudden raise of Yuuri’s voice, and his gut twisted.  The wind picked up, whipping through his and Yuuri’s hair and sending the snowfall into a whirling flurry around them.

Victor swallowed hard.  So Yuuri had found out, then.  “They’re engagement rings,” he said breathlessly.  He took a small step towards Yuuri and reached for his hand.  “Yuuri, please don’t be mad.”

“You lied to me,” Yuuri accused, pulling his arm away from Victor’s hand.  Victor’s heart sank.

“I’m sorry,” Victor choked out.  “I’m so sorry, Yuuri.  I wanted to tell you the truth so badly, but-”

“But what?” Yuuri croaked, swiping a tear from his cheek.  

“You weren’t ready,” Victor continued, willing his voice to be smooth.  Willing the bubbling anxiety within him to stay contained.  “I couldn’t just drop something like that on you, Yuuri.”  Yuuri gritted his teeth as if trying to stop more tears from flowing.  He took another wobbly breath.  

Just as Victor opened his mouth to say something else, he thought he saw movement out of the corner of his vision.  Sure enough, hiding not-so-discreetly across the street was a young woman with a camera held up to her eye.  A man about the same age crouched behind some bushes nearby.

Paparazzi.  “Are you kidding me?” Victor grumbled in Russian. This was probably the worst moment for them to capture.  Yuuri saw them too, and he pulled the collar of his jacket up to hide his face.  “Come on, let’s go inside.”  Victor extended a hand to Yuuri, but Yuuri only turned and walked back into the house.  Victor followed silently.

Yuuri paced in the living room.  It looked like he wanted to say something, but no words came. 

Eventually, Victor couldn’t take the tense silence any longer.  “How did you figure it out?” he asked, barely speaking above a whisper.

Yuuri gave a weak, humorless laugh.  “I didn’t _figure it out_ , exactly.  There was no detective work involved.  I just found your letters when Makkachin knocked them off your bedside table.”  He must have seen the confusion on Victor’s face, because he added, “I was chasing him because he stole our remote.”

Victor sighed.  That dog.  “Sorry about that." 

Yuuri shook his head.  “It doesn’t matter.”  He sank onto the couch and put his head in his hands.  Another long stretch of silence followed.  Victor shifted his weight, struggling to come up with the right thing to say.

Finally Yuuri said, “Maybe you should go.”

If you had asked him earlier, Victor wouldn’t have guessed a simple sentence would have the power to knock the wind out of him.  But he felt those words like a physical blow.  Victor caved in on himself, his throat closing up with the wave of shock and heartbreak that crashed over him.  “What?” he managed to squeak.  It wasn’t until he felt the wetness on his face that he realized he was crying.

Yuuri said nothing.

“Are you that angry with me?”  Victor’s voice was small, frail.  He couldn’t bear to leave.  The possibility of losing Yuuri terrified him.  He was his light, his heart, his best friend.  If Yuuri was suddenly gone from his life….  Victor clenched his hands into fists to keep them from shaking.   

Yuuri shook his head again, hands still covering his face.  His body trembled from his crying.  “You deserve a lot better than me.”

Victor’s heart broke further, this time in pity for Yuuri.  Yuuri was the best thing that ever happened to Victor.  Didn’t he know that?  “That’s not true,” Victor said.  "You’re already perfect to me.”

“How can I be?”  Yuuri’s head snapped back up to look at Victor.  “I don’t remember the man I’m engaged to.  How can you stand to be around me?”

Victor sat next to Yuuri and gently took both of his hands.  “Yuuri, look at me,” he murmured.  Yuuri hesitantly made eye contact.  “I don’t expect you to be in the same place as I am right now.  And I don’t care.  I’m here with you because I want to be.”  Victor rubbed his thumbs over the backs of Yuuri’s hands.  “I love you, Yuuri. Memory loss or not, I choose you.  I always will.”

Yuuri looked ready to fall apart.  For a second, Victor was afraid he’d said the wrong thing, that Yuuri was only going to try harder to push him away.  But then with a little sob, Yuuri surged forward, grabbed Victor’s shoulders, and claimed his lips with his own.  

Victor melted.  

The kiss was overflowing with desperate passion.  It was as though every emotion churning through Yuuri was being poured into it, into Victor.  Victor kissed back with just as much fervor, bringing a hand up to hold the back of Yuuri’s head.  He laced his fingers in that soft, dark hair.

“I think I love you, too,” Yuuri whispered against Victor’s lips.  

Victor’s eyes widened, and he pulled back to look at Yuuri.  Did that actually just come out of his mouth?  “You… you do?”

Yuuri was blushing slightly, but he held Victor’s gaze.  He nodded, sincere and steadfast.  “Yes.”

A sob of relief escaped Victor, and he held Yuuri even closer as he closed the gap between them once more.  Their touches were fire, hot and raging.  They kissed like lifelong lovers whose time was running out, as if they wanted to indulge in each other as much as possible before everything between them ended.  But that wasn’t what this was, was it?   Victor’s time with Yuuri was only just beginning.  

It wasn’t until after that fire simmered down, until their kisses became a languid smolder, that they broke apart for air.  Time seemed to slow down around them, and suddenly all that existed was Yuuri.  Ragged breaths mingled.  Eyes locked, holding within them a burning desire.  But it was more than simply lust.  This desire was one of the heart, one that told Victor he needed to be as close to Yuuri as he could get.  Physically, emotionally.  Until he couldn’t tell where he ended and Yuuri began.

A silent understanding passed between them. 

Yuuri stood first, gently tugging Victor with him and leading him out of the living room, down the hall, and into his bedroom.  Victor gladly let him.

The door clicked shut behind them.  Yuuri, who was just before full of confidence and passion, suddenly seemed nervous now.  As if to stall, he began straightening the covers on his bed.

“We don’t have to do this,” Victor assured him.   

Yuuri shook his head.  “No, I want to.  I’m just… I haven’t done this before.  Or, I don’t remember having done it before.”

Victor cupped his face and kissed the corner of his mouth.  “We’ll take it slow.”  Yuuri nodded and kissed him again.  

It was Yuuri who first went to remove their clothing.  He tugged at the hem of Victor’s shirt, looking up at him with a silent request for permission.  Victor gave him a crooked smile and lifted his arms to allow Yuuri to pull the t-shirt up and off his body.  Victor did the same to Yuuri’s shirt in turn.

Both of them paused for a beat to take in the sight of each other.  Yes, they had seen each other shirtless – even naked – in the time that Victor spent here.  But they hadn’t looked at each other quite like this.  Now, with mutual love and lust between them, Victor was seeing Yuuri in a way that he hadn’t been able to since before the accident. 

Yuuri was apparently not satisfied with only their top halves being bare, as he started to take his pants off as well.  Victor, though, didn’t get to work on his own right away, opting instead to kiss Yuuri’s chest and neck and shoulders.  Yuuri sighed softly at the feeling, and Victor’s heart responded by doing a little flip.

But then their lips met again, and Victor quickly became impatient.  It had been too long since he got to touch Yuuri like this.  He delved his tongue into Yuuri’s mouth, and Yuuri let out a groan that made Victor all too aware of the growing erection in his pants. He undressed fully, all while trying to keep contact with the other man’s mouth (a task that was easier said than done).  

“Victor…” Yuuri said, now just down to his underwear, “I… I’m sorry, about earlier.”

“It’s okay,” Victor said.  “I’m sorry, too.”  A small pause, and then, “We can talk about it, if you want to.”

“Yes,” Yuuri said.  “But… after this.”  He gave Victor one more lingering kiss before tugging him to the bed.

“Good point.”  Victor got onto the bed and reveled in the sight of Yuuri’s backside as Yuuri removed his glasses to set on his nightstand and out of the way.  Yuuri’s ass was truly glorious.

“Do we… um, do I have…?”  Yuuri blushed lightly as he joined Victor on the bed.

Victor smirked a little.  “I think you keep some in here.”  He leaned over to open the first drawer of the nightstand to search for lubricant and condoms.  He didn’t find any in that drawer, but what he did find made his face soften with affection.  He picked up Yuuri’s ring and held it between his fingers.

“I found that, too,” Yuuri said.  “When I was looking for that mixer.”

Victor glanced at him behind his shoulder, unsure how Yuuri felt about the ring.

Unsure, that is, until Yuuri whispered, “I want to wear it.”

Later.  Victor would have time to ask questions later.  Right now, all he cared about was the elation that came with the words that Yuuri spoke. 

Victor twisted his body away from the nightstand to face Yuuri.  Yuuri lay underneath him, propped up by an elbow.  Victor hovered over him on his knees.  He let his eyes roam that gorgeous body again.  “You’re beautiful, Yuuri,” he breathed.

Yuuri blushed again.  “Not as beautiful as you.  I mean good lord, have you seen yourself?”  Seemingly to emphasize his point, Yuuri glanced pointedly at Victor’s abs.  His gaze then traveled downward. 

Victor chuckled at that.  “Debatable.”  Though, yes, he was aware he was on the higher end of the attractiveness scale.  Even still, Yuuri was just so… perfect.  Victor loved that he got a little chubby when he stopped working out.  He loved the messiness of his hair, the olive tone of his skin, the softness of his features.  There wasn’t a thing about him he would change.

Victor took Yuuri’s hand and brushed a kiss over his thumb.  Yuuri’s blush deepened.  Victor smiled and moved onto the next finger, kissing that one too.  Then the next, and the next and the next.  In Victor’s free hand was the ring.  A symbol of their union.  Not only that they were engaged to be married, but that they had given their hearts to one another.  That they shared their lives – the joys, the sorrows, and everything in between – with each other.

Still holding his hand, Victor leaned down and pressed his lips to Yuuri’s as he slid the ring onto his finger. 

Yuuri held his hand out, fingers splayed, looking at the ring that had glided so perfectly into place.  Victor once again found himself wishing he could read his mind. 

Victor lifted his hand up, too.  “Now we match again,” he said with a smile. 

Tears welled up in Yuuri’s eyes, which Victor barely caught a glimpse of before Yuuri grabbed his shoulders and pulled Victor down on top of him, kissing him passionately.  Victor nearly lost his balance, but he braced his arm beside Yuuri’s head before he crushed his full weight on the smaller man. 

“We still need to find the lube and condoms,” Victor said between heated kisses.  Yuuri very unhelpfully grinded his hips up against Victor’s, and suddenly all rational thought flew from Victor’s mind.  Victor’s loud moan blended in with Yuuri’s, both of them starting to breathe heavily. 

Setting a rhythm of slow grinding, Victor turned his attention from Yuuri’s lips to his neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses along it.  By the sounds of Yuuri’s moans and the tightening of his hands on Victor’s shoulders, he really liked it.  Victor nipped and sucked on the skin there – not enough to bruise, but enough to feel good. 

“Victor,” Yuuri gasped, tilting his head to give Victor better access.

But Victor didn’t linger there long.  With a final flick of his tongue against Yuuri’s neck, he moved his hips away from Yuuri’s and began kissing down his body.  Victor ran his hands along Yuuri’s sides as he ventured lower and lower, feeling Yuuri shiver underneath his touch.

He paused when he got to Yuuri’s underwear, which were now barely concealing Yuuri’s fully-hard cock.  Victor hooked his fingers in the fabric and glanced up at his lover.  “Is this okay?”  Yuuri eagerly nodded his encouragement.  

Victor pulled that pesky underwear down, freeing Yuuri’s length.  Victor nearly started drooling at the sight of it.  He stroked it a couple times, watching Yuuri bite his lip and tilt his head back at the sensation.  Then, bit by bit, Victor took Yuuri’s cock in his mouth.  

Was it weird to love the taste of someone’s penis?  Because Victor truly loved having Yuuri’s taste on his tongue.  He let out a contented hum and began sucking, bobbing his head and gliding his tongue along the shaft of Yuuri’s cock as he did so.  

Yuuri gasped, louder this time, and grabbed a handful of Victor’s hair (god, Victor loved his hair being touched during sex).  “Ohhh my god, Vicchan!”  Victor hummed again, letting Yuuri feel the vibrations, as he reached down to stroke his own cock.  It was getting persistently more difficult not to give it some attention.

Finally, neither of them could take it anymore.  “Lube,” Yuuri choked out.  “Hurry.”

Victor didn’t need to be told twice.

He found a small bottle of lube and a package of condoms hiding in the second drawer of the bedside table, and he hastily poured some of the lube onto his fingers.  He rubbed his hands together to warm it up.  He looked at Yuuri.  “Are you sure you want this?” he asked, because there was no way he could live with himself if he hurt Yuuri in any way.  “We don’t have to rush anything.”

“I want this,” Yuuri affirmed.  The indisputable tone of his voice and the needy glint in his eye were all the convincing Victor needed. 

Victor guided Yuuri to turn onto his stomach and lift up slightly on his knees, making sure not to come across pushy.  Slowly and carefully, Victor pushed a finger into Yuuri.  Yuuri’s fingers curled around the bedsheets, and a strained noise escaped his throat.  Victor hesitated.  “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” came the muffled reply.  “It feels good." 

And so Victor kept going.  He moved his finger in and out, getting Yuuri used to the sensation and paying close attention to how Yuuri’s body reacted.  When Yuuri was ready, Victor added in a second finger, opening Yuuri up so that he would be ready to take Victor’s length with minimal discomfort.   

Once Victor deemed Yuuri prepared enough, he put on a condom and then poured some more lubricant into his palms, which he rubbed onto his cock.  Yuuri turned back around, watching Victor touch himself.  After a moment, he pulled Victor to rest on top of him again, and he hooked a leg around Victor’s waist. 

Victor looked into Yuuri’s eyes again, asking one more time for permission to continue.  At Yuuri’s nod, Victor slowly thrust into him.

Low groans filled the air. 

It took some self-control for Victor to stay still once Yuuri was filled with him.  Yuuri was so tight and warm around him, sending Victor’s brain into a haze of pleasure and his body trembling.  The more primal instincts in Victor told him to move, but Yuuri needed time to adjust to having Victor inside him.  Victor peppered kisses all over Yuuri’s face while he waited, eliciting a giggle from the other man.

Then Yuuri kissed under Victor’s ear and whispered, “Go,” and Victor unleashed himself. 

Victor pressed as much of their now-sweaty skin together as he could while he rolled his hips at a moderate pace.  He kissed from Yuuri’s collarbone back to his neck, and Yuuri held a hand against Victor’s head to keep him there.  Victor gladly obliged. 

“ _Yuuri_ ,” he moaned.  “Fuck, you feel amazing, darling.”

“So do you,” Yuuri said breathlessly.  Then a loud moan ripped out of his throat, and his body writhed underneath Victor’s.  “ _God, Victor, right there!_ ”  He threw his arms out to hold onto something, grabbing the bedding again to anchor himself.

Victor took Yuuri’s hand, interlocking their fingers as he increased the speed of his thrusts.  Yuuri’s name tumbled out of his mouth over and over.  His eyes threatened to fall closed, but he fought to keep them open.  He wanted to look at his beautiful Yuuri, wanted to see each expression of bliss on his face as they brought each other closer and closer to the edge.

Their orgasms shuddered through them at almost the exact same time.  Yuuri dug his nails into Victor’s skin as he came, Victor letting out a hiss at the slightly painful yet not-unwelcome sting.  He buried his face in the crook of Yuuri's neck as the end of his orgasm left him feeling both spent and euphoric.

Afterward, they lay beside each other, panting and glistening with sweat.  Victor discarded the condom in the wastebasket by the bed, and he snuggled into Yuuri’s side.  For a while there was comfortable silence, Victor listening to the sound of Yuuri’s breathing as he began to calm down. 

“So, your first time all over again,” Victor eventually said.  “How was it?” 

Yuuri smiled at him.  “Fantastic.” 

Victor smiled back. 

He knew they had a lot to talk about.  That the fight they had not an hour ago wasn’t magically resolved by sex.  But now wasn’t the time for that.  Now was the time for cuddles and closeness and holding hands while the waves of pleasure slowly ebbed out. 

So that’s just what they did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I apologize for the sex scene being so unpolished.
> 
> Second of all, I also apologize for taking so long to update either of my in-progress fics. I recently ran into a tough week. But let me just say, I got the most wonderful, heartfelt, encouraging message from a Tumblr follower (you know who you are), and some equally amazing comments on this fic. Feedback and reassurance like that means the absolute world to me. So thank you guys!!
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this rollercoaster of a chapter :D
> 
> Tumblr: [@devwrites22](http://www.devwrites22.tumblr.com)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *slides in with a chapter after 5 months of not updating* Please forgive me

Sex with Victor was like nothing Yuuri ever imagined.

Waves of pleasure crashed over him, relentless and intoxicating.  Over and over, until all he could think about was how good Victor’s body felt on and in his own, all he could say was his lover’s name.  

And afterward… Yuuri couldn’t remember a time he felt so close to another person.  So intimate. His attention shifted back and forth between the beautiful man lying beside him and the ring that fit so perfectly on his finger.  

Part of him had hoped that being with Victor like this would trigger his memories to all come flooding back.  He thought that maybe being connected with him physically and emotionally would be the catalyst he needed. But nothing happened.  Yuuri was cuddled up to a beautiful man who loved him and cared about him and was engaged to him… and who was still unrecognizable to him.  

Yuuri was so wrapped up in that thought that he didn’t hear his family return until Mari was practically outside his door.  “I saw his coat, I think they’re back,” she was saying. Her footsteps drew nearer, and Yuuri gasped and pulled the covers up to his chin, praying she didn’t try to come in.  “Yuuri?”

Yuuri hid even further under the covers up, evoking a chuckle from Victor.  Yuuri threw a glance his way and shushed him. Victor smirked but kept his mouth shut.

Mari knocked on the bedroom door.  “Yuuri, are you here?”

“Yes,” Yuuri squeaked.  

“Victor too?”

“Yes.”  He blanched, and then hastily added,  “I mean, not  _in here_.  But he’s here.  As in, at home. That kind of here.”

Victor gave him a look as if to say, ‘smooth, darling.’   Yuuri stifled a groan, along with the urge to bury himself under the sheets completely.

There was silence on the other side of the wall, and then, “You’re in bed with him, aren’t you.”  Not a question.

“ _Mari!_ ”

There was nothing quiet about Victor’s laugh this time.  Yuuri swore he felt his soul leave his body as he crawled under the covers to the foot of the bed (which only made Victor laugh harder).

“Please, it’s not the first time I’ve caught you two together,” Mari said, her voice becoming distant as she walked back down the hall.

Yuuri’s eyes widened.  “What?!” He peeked out of the sheets at Victor.  “How many times have people walked in on us?”

Victor shrugged nonchalantly.  “There have been a handful of times we weren’t very careful.  Chris sure got an eyeful once.”

“Oh my god.”  That’s it, Yuuri had to drop everything and move to Canada.  He told Victor as much.

“If it makes you feel any better,” Victor said, and Yuuri detected some amusement in his voice, “you were topping when he caught us.”

“It does not, but thanks for trying.”

Victor snorted and stood up, the mattress shifting.  Yuuri peeled the covers away and sat cross-legged at the edge of the bed, watching Victor put his clothes back on.  He chewed on his lip. Now that the sex high was dying down, his mind was clearer. Which meant it was now churning through the letters, the argument, the rings, the declarations of love.

“Are you okay?”

Yuuri blinked, snapping out of his thoughts for a moment.  Victor was looking at him with mild concern as he pulled his shirt over his head.  Yuuri nodded mutely.

“You look like you wanted to say something,” Victor continued, not exactly pressuring Yuuri to talk, but opening the door for him to.

Yuuri opened his mouth, not certain what he really wanted to say.  Where to even begin. There was so much that was unspoken between them, so much that needed to come out into the open, that it was overwhelming.  “I was just thinking we haven’t eaten lunch yet,” he said with a half-smile. He knew that Victor knew food wasn’t truly what was at the forefront of Yuuri’s mind.  But seeing as it was already one-thirty and neither of them had eaten since before their long morning on the ice, Victor nodded.

Yuuri put some clothes on and left his bedroom with Victor.

“There you two are!” Hiroko said with a smile as they came into the kitchen.  “Have you had a good day so far?”

Well, that was a question that surprisingly didn’t have an easy answer.  Rather than getting into everything with his mother, though, Yuuri simply nodded.  Victor too answered that yes, they have, and Hiroko beamed at his use of her native tongue.  

“Good.  I was just putting our leftovers in the refrigerator - have you eaten yet?”  Before either of them even opened their mouth to answer, she was already unpacking the boxes of food for them.

“Not yet,” Yuuri said.  “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, dear,” she answered as she fixed their plates for them. She then patted both of them on the cheeks, said, “Enjoy,” and left the room.

Victor and Yuuri ate together at the table in the dining room, Yuuri mostly keeping silent.  Again, not for a lack of things to say, but for an overabundance of them. Thankfully, Victor kept the conversation light.  Of course he did. He was always so in tune to Yuuri’s needs. He was there for Yuuri in whatever way that he needed him and at any given time.  Victor cared so much about him. Yuuri wasn’t convinced that he deserved the unconditional love that poured out of Victor’s every word, his every action.

As if sensing that thought that crossed Yuuri’s mind, Victor placed two fingers under Yuuri’s chin and tilted his head up to meet Victor’s eyes.  Yuuri braced himself; he knew this conversation needed to happen, but it was by no means going to be easy.

Instead of asking to talk, though, Victor murmured, “Let’s go take a shower.”

Yuuri blinked.  That’s not what he was expecting to come out of Victor’s mouth.  They _did_ need to clean up, he supposed.  Yuuri nodded and then focused an unnecessary amount of attention on cleaning up their lunches.  Better that than let his mind wander to where it was when he found those letters.

Yuuri took his time rinsing the dishes before he headed into the bathroom and turned on the shower.  He removed his ring and glasses and set them aside and then stripped off his clothes, letting them drop to the floor.  Behind him, he heard Victor doing the same. Yuuri stepped under the water when it was warm enough, leaving the clear door open for Victor to follow.  Steam quickly filled the small bathroom.

He could feel Victor’s eyes on him as he began scrubbing his body clean.  Not with the hunger and lust of earlier, but with gentle wonder and worry.  Victor was fighting back the words he wanted to say; Yuuri could sense it, even without looking at him.  The vulnerability of being naked with Victor without the distraction of sex suddenly hit Yuuri, and his shoulders curved inward.

But their shower passed mostly in silence, as did their drying off and picking out fresh pairs of clothes.  It wasn’t until they were dressed and sitting in Yuuri’s room that Victor asked again, “Are you okay?”

Yuuri swallowed.  He debated lying and saying yes, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.  “I’m so… confused.” The words were barely audible, and shaky with Yuuri’s effort to not cry.  When Yuuri glanced up through his eyelashes at Victor, Victor looked close to tears himself. “I don’t even know what to think anymore.”

Victor hesitantly took one of Yuuri’s hands and squeezed it lightly.  “I know this can’t be easy for you. I can’t imagine being in your shoes.”

“ _I_ can’t imagine being in _yours_ ,” Yuuri countered.  To be so wholly dedicated to and in love with someone who had little recollection of you…  “You’re too good to me.”

Victor’s expression hardened at that.  “That’s not true.”

Yuuri chewed on his bottom lip, taken aback by the uncharacteristic firmness.  But despite that, he uttered, “I’m broken, Victor.”

“No.  Yuuri, look at me.”  Yuuri met Victor’s eyes, forcing himself not to squirm under the intensity of Victor’s gaze.  “Don’t think for a second that your amnesia defines you. You are still Katsuki Yuuri.”

“But I’m not,” Yuuri said tightly.  “I’m not who I was before because I don’t _know_ who I was before.”  Panic began to mount in his chest.  “What if I’m changed forever?”

“Then we move forward from there,” Victor said steadily.  “We’ll figure this out together. Not just you and me, but your family and friends too.  We’re all still here for you.”

“I don’t want to be different!”  Tears spilled onto Yuuri’s face. “I want to know who I am!”

Victor shifted closer and brushed some hair out of Yuuri’s eyes.  “ _I_ know who you are, Yuuri,” he murmured.  “You are kind-hearted, passionate, stubborn, determined, loyal.  You get anxious when you think you’re not enough, and you are unstoppable when you’re confident.  You’re a caring son, brother, friend, and lover. Nothing will change any of that.”

Yuuri stifled a sob, leaning into Victor’s touch.  He was the luckiest man in the world to have Victor in his life.  “Thank you,” he whispered.

“No need to thank me,” Victor said, smiling softly.  “I’m only telling you the truth.”

Yuuri managed a small smile in return.  After a moment, though, it faded. “I’m sorry I suggested you leave.”  He could have sworn he felt Victor’s energy change. “I was so scared of hurting you more than I already have.”

Victor shook his head.  “You’re not hurting me.”

“I don’t believe you,” Yuuri said, though not unkindly.  “You don’t have to pretend, Victor.”

Victor let out a sigh, making his bangs flutter.  For a moment he was quiet, but finally he said, “Do you know the reason I didn’t come here immediately?”  Yuuri tilted his head, waiting for him to continue. “I was afraid you wouldn’t love me again. The first couple of days here, being around you but unable to hold you or kiss you or even talk to you like I could before…  Yes, it was hard.” Yuuri imagined it still was, albiet in different ways.

“I wish so much that I could love you like I know I did before the accident.”

Victor sucked in a breath, and more tears sprang to Yuuri’s eyes.  The last thing he wanted was to put Victor through more pain.

“But you don’t.”

“I don’t know,” Yuuri admitted.  “I love you,” he insisted. “I know I do.  I just don’t know if it’s because some part of me deep down remembers you, or if I’m starting over and falling for you all over again.”  Maybe it was a bit of both.

“You’re wearing the ring,” Victor said cautiously.  “Does that mean…?”

“I… I don’t know what it means.”  It felt right, in the moment, to put it on.  And it didn’t feel wrong for him to be wearing it now.  But even though he knew he cared for Victor deeply, there was still a disconnect between what he knew to be true and what he felt inside.  And he hated himself for it. He _should_ be head-over-heels in love with his fiancé.  He _wanted_ to be.  How ironic was it that the only thing keeping him from that happiness was his own mind?

Victor nodded, his lips pressed into a thin line.

“I think I need more time,” Yuuri continued in a whisper.  He stared down at his hands, which were resting in his lap.  “I want to rebuild what I had with you before the accident. Until my memories come back, that is.”  He wanted to be with Victor, he was certain about that. But he also didn’t want to hurt either of them by rushing things while they were still in such an unsteady place.   “I didn’t even know we were engaged until today.”

Victor nodded again in understanding, though Yuuri could see heartache in those blue eyes.  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

Yuuri shook his head.  “It’s okay. I understand why you didn’t.  I shouldn’t have lashed out.” As much as he resented being kept in the dark, it was unreasonable of him to expect anyone to come out of the blue with something like that.  His family and Victor were right to keep that secret. It did make him wonder, though, what else they might be hiding.

“Well, you made up for it by telling me you love me,” Victor replied with a wink.  Underneath the light tone, Yuuri sensed heaviness.

Yuuri brushed his hand over Victor’s cheek, resting his palm there, and then lifted his other hand to cradle Victor’s face.  “I really do love you, Victor. I’m yours.” Something like relief crossed Victor’s features. Yuuri pressed his lips to Victor’s, a ghost of a kiss.  If he had the ability to erase that man's sadness, he would do it in a heartbeat.

Victor rested his forehead against Yuuri’s and closed his eyes.  Yuuri, still caressing Victor’s cheek, splayed his fingers over the soft skin.  “I’ll remember you,” Yuuri said. “If it’s the last thing I do, Victor Nikiforov, I will remember you.”

* * *

Victor needed to clear his head.  

He and Yuuri had talked for two hours straight.  Yuuri’s hesitations when it came to finding out about his past had all but evaporated, and Victor answered every question Yuuri asked him: how long had they been in love?  Who proposed to whom? What was his relationship to Victor before Victor became his coach? What was his relationship with the other skaters like? How did competitions normally go?  Yuuri even dared to ask what other secrets Victor was keeping from him. Victor felt a twinge of guilt, even as he promised Yuuri that he was hiding nothing. He made an effort to prove that.

The longer they talked, the more Yuuri loosened up.  It was as if, little by little, he let go of his fears.  Victor couldn’t put words to how happy it made him to see Yuuri become liberated of that burden, or how proud of him he was.  True, things still weren’t perfect, but for the first time, it seemed like Yuuri was able to get a handle on his amnesia. Progress was made, at least, and that’s all Victor could have hoped for.

As much as he tried not to let it, the beginning of their conversation nagged at him.  He was well aware that Yuuri couldn’t possibly feel the way Victor did right now; he’d confronted that fact from the beginning.  Yet, something about hearing it from Yuuri’s mouth made it all the more real. Yuuri loved Victor, but his love wasn’t the same as Victor’s love for him.  Not anymore. It was a hard pill to swallow.

One thing that kept Victor grounded was Yuuri’s promise to him: _“I’m yours.”_   The words echoed through Victor’s mind, reminded him that Yuuri wasn’t going anywhere.  He clung to that shred of reassurance. With time, everything would work out. He would have to continue to be patient until then.

So, once again, he found himself on the beach.  Despite the sun shining fully overhead, the air was just as crisp as it had been this morning when he and Yuuri left for the Ice Castle.  (Was it really this morning? It felt like ages ago.) He had Makkachin with him, since the poor dog hadn’t had much attention from him all day.  Victor let Makka chase seagulls to his heart’s content while Victor strolled at a leisurely pace behind him.

Unsurprisingly, there was hardly anyone else in sight.  For a long while, Victor’s were the only footprints in the sand.  He eventually stopped walking, pausing close to where the tide crawled up onto the shore, and stood still before the calm ocean.  A gentle breeze blew a spray of ocean mist his way, and Victor closed his eyes.

“May I stand with you?”

Victor started at the unexpected voice, having been too lost in thought to notice someone approaching.  That someone was a woman with a long, green coat and dark hair pulled into a bun at the back of her head.  She was older than Victor, but not by much, if he had to guess. The woman had a soft smile on her face.

“Of course,” Victor said, inviting her to stand beside him.  Though he came out to the beach for some solitude, he wasn’t normally one to turn down the opportunity to make a new friend.  Besides, the woman had a strangely comforting presence about her that Victor welcomed.

“Are you enjoying the view?” she said in heavily-accented English, accommodating for Victor clearly being a foreigner.  “The beach is lovely this time of year, even if the water is too cold to swim in.”

“It really is,” Victor responded in Japanese.  The woman’s smile widened. “I’m Victor.”

“Akane,” she said.  She switched to Japanese as well.  “It’s nice to meet you, Victor.” As she turned back toward the ocean, she asked, “What brings you here?”

“To Hasetsu?  Love. To the beach right now?”  A small pause. “Also love.”

“A broken heart?”

“Not exactly,” Victor answered.  “It’s complicated.”

“Isn’t that always how it goes?” Akane mused.  Victor nodded and made a small noise of agreement.  

“And what about you?  What brings you to the beach?” Victor asked, as it was only polite to reciprocate with the same question she’d asked him.

Akane’s smile turned wistful.  “I like to come here to relax my mind.”

“The ocean is one of the best places to do that,” Victor agreed.  

Akane didn’t push any further conversation; she simply stood with Victor, almost as if in solidarity.  In a way, she reminded Victor of his mother. His mom could turn even the worst of people’s anger into tranquility, and she could do it without even saying a word.  She was a light that seeped into the lives of others wherever she went. Victor specifically remembered on his seventh birthday-

Birthday.  Victor suddenly gasped, causing Akane to turn and raise an eyebrow in surprise.  “Yuuri’s birthday is tomorrow!” He had been so caught up in being there for Yuuri that the date completely slipped his (already forgetful) mind.  Victor called Makkachin over, whose ears perked up before he hurdled down the beach toward him. Victor turned to Akane. “Please excuse me, I must think of something special to do for my boyfriend.  Thank you for standing with me.”

With a chuckle, Akane said, “It was my pleasure, Victor,” and then Victor took off with his dog at his heels. 

* * *

Yuuri insisted that he didn’t care about celebrating his birthday this year, but his family insisted harder.  Yuuri quickly gave in, as he learned early on in life that when his parents and sister all set their collective mind to something, there was no going back.  He assumed that they would go shopping for decorations after Victor returned from his walk, but evidently, they’d been planning this for at least a couple weeks now.

Yuuri’s nerves worsened the longer Victor was gone.  Their talk had gone well, better than Yuuri expected it to.  For the first time since his accident, he felt level-headed. Not due to his memories returning - he was still waiting on that - but because he finally felt secure with the way his life was right now.  Yes, he wished it was different. He wished he didn’t have memory loss. But the amnesia was no longer a black cloud that constantly surrounded him. He had support, he had love, he had a future in spite of it.  Yuuri supposed he had always known that in the back of his mind. But something had changed as he verbalized his fears to Victor, and as Victor quietly listened. Bit by bit, Yuuri could start to rebuild. His life didn’t have to come to a crashing halt. He could take control of it again. Victor’s promise to be with him every step of the way made the last bit of tension in Yuuri’s chest ease up.

But Victor, as relieved as he appeared, had left after their conversation came to a close.  Yuuri was worried it was something he said. 

When Victor returned in a whirlwind, shouting for Yuuri not to look at what he was carrying, Yuuri didn’t question it.  Makka bounced around Victor’s feet, Victor laughing when he almost tripped over him. Well, it seemed he was back to his normal self.  “What have you got there?” Yuuri called after him.

“You’ll see tomorrow!” Victor yelled back from around the corner.

Yuuri sat patiently - for about a minute, until curiosity got the better of him.  He snuck toward Victor’s room, where he could hear the rustling of wrapping paper, followed by the slice of scizors gliding through it.  He wouldn’t peek, but maybe he could get some clues by listening…

“Yuuri!”

Yuuri squeaked and just about jumped out of his skin.  Victor had poked his head out, and he was now fixing Yuuri with a cross between a frown and a pout.  Yuuri gave Victor an innocent grin and waved.

“Do you want your birthday surprise to be ruined?  Is that what you want?”

Laughter bubbled from Yuuri’s chest.  “No. Sorry, Victor.”

Victor nodded once as if to say, ‘Good,’ and he disappeared back into his room.  Yuuri shook his head with a smirk and resigned himself to hanging out in his room until further notice from Victor.  

Yuuri’s smile came freely at dinner that night.  More freely than it had in what felt like forever.  Everyone must have noticed, because there was chiming laughter and bright conversation and a light in his parents’ eyes that had before been dimmed.  As they began to clean up afterward, Yuuri saw his father give Victor a pat on the shoulder. He murmured something to him, but Yuuri wasn’t close enough to make out what it was.  It must have had to do with him, though, because Victor glanced back at Yuuri with a wide smile on his face. Yuuri’s lips broke into a grin in return.

They slept together in Yuuri’s bed that night.

Just after Yuuri woke up the next morning, Mari yelled through the closed door that she and their parents were leaving for Minako’s house, where they would be setting up for his birthday celebration.  The Nishigori family was to meet them there too. Yuuri imagined the triplets were thrilled to be a part of the process. Yuuri called back a sleepy, “Okay,” and then repeated it when Mari told them to remember to eat breakfast, and then she left.

Thankfully, Victor was already done with his part of the birthday preparations, so he kept Yuuri company in the onsen while everyone else was busy.  He had woken Yuuri up by peppering his face and shoulders with kisses, the warmth of his body making Yuuri hum in contentment and press closer to him.  The first thing Yuuri saw when he opened his eyes was Victor’s beautiful blue ones gazing at him. Victor had told him happy birthday and then captured Yuuri’s lips with his own, and Yuuri had happily melted into him.  

The moment had been broken by Mari’s loud knocking on the door.  Now, they enjoyed the morning in the hot springs, fingertips brushing under the water.  Yuuri loved being in the onsen at this time of day and year. The soft glow of the morning sunlight, the contrast between the cold air and the hot water, the quietness of his surroundings…

Though, he and Victor weren’t being quiet now.  Instead, they chatted with one another about anything and everything.  Sports, weather, food, movies… Yuuri delighted in learning little details about Victor.  Almost as much as he delighted in holding a conversation that was… easy, and simple. Fun.

Yuuri was laughing to the point of wheezing at something Victor had said about his coach Yakov when his mother texted him that they could come over now.  Yuuri shook his hand to get some water off it and texted her back before lifting himself out of the hot springs. He offered a hand to Victor, who took it and let Yuuri pull him up onto the ground.  The two of them dried off and quickly dressed.

“Do you think they went overboard?” Yuuri wondered as he fastened the buttons of his sleeves.  He had left his door open so he could still talk to Victor while they got ready. He stood in front of his dresser mirror and angled his body to get a better view of the outfit - an understated but nice white shirt with a dark blue jacket.  It fit him nicely, but something was off. Maybe it was the hair.

“Define ‘overboard’” was Victor’s response from the bathroom, the door to that room also open.

“Anything more than a simple cake and a few presents.”  

“Then yes, they probably did.”  

Yuuri sighed, heading into the bathroom.  He ran a comb through his hair and then rummaged around for any kind of product that could help him out.  He eventually picked up a bottle of mousse, squirted some into his hand, and began working it into his hair.  Hopefully he could at least make it look decent.

Apparently it was successful, because he caught Victor staring at him through the mirror.  Yuuri blushed. “What?”

“You clean up nice,” Victor responded with a wink that made Yuuri’s knees weak.  

Yuuri blushed harder, still facing the mirror.  “Do I?”

Victor, who was also looking quite handsome in a crimson button-down and black slacks, pressed a kiss to the back of Yuuri’s neck.  “Absolutely.” Yuuri couldn’t resist the urge turn around and kiss him properly.

Much to Victor’s dismay, Yuuri pulled away before the kiss became too heated.  “Let’s go, before we’re late,” he said, and he pulled Victor toward the door.

Minako’s house wasn’t far from Yuuri’s, and he walked the distance hand-in-hand with Victor.  As they approached, he saw Lutz peeking through the window. She ducked out of sight the instant she noticed them nearing, no doubt to alert everyone that they were almost here.  Yuuri shared a smirk with Victor.

Sure enough, they hardly got a foot in the door before everybody shouted, “Happy birthday, Yuuri!”  They weren’t quite in unison, but hey, it was close enough.

Yuuri grinned, looking around at each face in the room.  “Thank you, everyone,” he said.

“Wow,” came a whisper from Victor, and it was clear what the taller man was in awe at.  Yuuri shifted his focus from his friends and family to the house itself. It was beautiful, the walls adorned with tasteful streamers of blues and whites, and the ceiling and doorways glowing with strings of fairy lights.  Vases filled with flowers were placed in different spots around the room. Neatly-stacked against the wall was a handful of gifts of different shapes and sizes. A glass tray of bite-sized foods sat atop the coffee table. There were also champagne glasses and an unopened bottle on the kitchen counter, which Yuuri could see from where he was standing in the living room.  But what caught his attention the most was what was next to that - a cake, two tiers high and decorated with expert craftsmanship.

Yuuri couldn’t help but get emotional.  Typically, birthdays weren’t a huge ordeal, as was true for most Japanese families.  He supposed everyone really wanted to do something special for him this year, though.  They had definitely accomplished that goal. It was touching to know he had so many caring people in his life.

“Come in, come in!” Minako insisted, crossing the room and reaching out to guide Yuuri and Victor farther into her quaint home.  Yuuko bounced up to peck his cheek while the triplets all hugged him tightly at the same time. They were dressed in matching outfits and pigtails, the only difference between them being the color of their hair ties.

“Thank you for doing all of this for me,” Yuuri repeated quietly, suddenly a bit bashful.  They really didn’t have to go through all the trouble...

“Yeah, well, you’ve had a rough couple weeks, so we figured you deserve it,” said Mari, her tone nonchalant but her smile genuine.

The breath was briefly squeezed from Yuuri’s lungs when Takeshi pulled him into a bear-hug.  “We’re all happy to!” he exclaimed.

“Exactly,” his mother said as she pulled him down so she could kiss his forehead.  His father pat him on the shoulder warmly.

“Shall we dig into the refreshments?” Minako suggested from the kitchen.  Seconds later there was a resounding _pop_ of a champagne bottle being opened.  

Takeshi laughed.  “Yes, let’s.”

“Girls, only one appetizer to start,” Yuuko warned, already anticipating that the triplets would get a bit grabby.  That elicited a groan from Axel.

Yuuri’s mother helped Minako distribute now-full champagne glasses to those old enough to drink from them.  Minako held out her glass, and everyone else did the same. “To Yuuri. May you have a happy and healthy twenty-fifth year of life.”  Yuuri blushed and nodded his thanks as people clinked their glasses together and took a sip.

Everyone settled into light chatter, most snacking and drinking while they talked.  Yuuri sat cuddled up to Victor on the couch. Honestly, he surprised himself with how comfortable he was showing physical affection around others when it came to Victor.  Not that he would make out with him in front of anyone, but still.

After only about twenty minutes, Loop tugged at her mother’s sleeve.  “Can we have cake yet?”

“Not yet, sweetie,” Yuuko replied.

“Why noooot?” Loop lamented.  Her sisters joined in with a, “Yeah, why not?”

“Because we’re going to open presents first!” Minako chimed in.  She somehow still looked graceful while carrying an armful of boxes and bags.

Loop ceased her whining with a huff and a fold of her arms.  “Okay.”

Minako lay all the presents out in front of Yuuri, all of them falling into place with one sweep of her arm, and said, “Which one do you want to open first?”

“Um… I don’t have a preference...”  

“Just pick one randomly, then,” Yuuko suggested brightly.

Yuuri scanned the pile of gifts, eventually settling on a smaller one wrapped in patterned white and purple paper.  It was heavier than he expected.

“That one is from me,” Victor said with a grin.

Yuuri was eager to tear off the wrapping paper to see what was hidden beneath, but he also didn’t want to appear greedy.  Besides, the wrapping was so lovely; it would be a shame to completely ruin it. He carefully peeled away the paper and revealed a nondescript box.  He could feel Victor watching him as he opened it up.

What he saw inside took his breath away.  Yuuri lifted the object out to get a better look.   He was holding an ornate, golden music box. Intricate designs swirled in delicate patterns on the sides.  The gold was interrupted by frosted glass on the top, at the center of which, pink roses had been painted on.

“Victor…”

“Open the lid,” Victor murmured.

Yuuri did so, the hinges gliding smoothly with the movement.  For a moment he was too entranced to say anything. A ballerina spun in slow circles as [music](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ueevS9WqSw&index=18&list=PL8F0NX5ENaFpOE1I332LpbJ0C4QkCIwqQ) played, one arm curved elegantly above her head and the other held in front of her body.  The fourth position, Yuuri recognized from his time practicing ballet with Minako.

“When I turned seven,” Victor said, “my mother gave me a music box like this one.  We weren’t particularly wealthy at the time, but she knew how much I wanted it; I’d seen it in the window of a shop and couldn’t stop talking about it.  I fell asleep listening to it every night for a long time after that.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Anyway, I hoped that you’d get the same peaceful feeling from listening to this one as I got listening to mine.”

He already did.  It was mesmerizing.  Yuuri looped his arms around Victor’s neck, burying his face in his shoulder.  “I love it,” he said, his words muffled by Victor’s shirt. “Thank you.”

Victor’s arms wrapped around Yuuri’s waist, returning the embrace.  “I’m so glad.”

“Open ours next!” one of the girls demanded, bouncing up and down with excitement.  

Yuuri pulled away from Victor’s arms with a little smirk and blinked away the mist from his eyes.  He gently closed the lid to the music box and put it back in the box it came in to keep it safe until he got home.  He wasn’t going to risk anything happening to it. “Alright, which one is it?”

Axel pointed.  “The glittery bag.  Duh.”

Yuuri laughed.  “Of course, how silly of me.”  He reached into the bag and pulled out the items inside: an assortment of stickers, from animals to flowers to cute-looking foods.

“So your things can be pretty,” Lutz explained.  

“Thank you _very_ much,” Yuuri said.  He put a sticker of a giraffe on the back of his phone.  

“Good choice, and you can also put this flower next to him,” said Loop, already reaching for the stickers and Yuuri’s phone.  He let her do what she wanted, watching her with amusement. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Yuuko doing the same. “There,” Loop said once she was satisfied with her sticker placement.  She handed everything back.

Yuuri pretended to closely examine her work.  “Perfect!” The triplets all beamed.

Next he opened a candle from Yuuko and Takeshi, a sketchbook and colored pencils from Minako, and then some new clothes from his parents.

“This is just the first part of your gift from me,” Mari clarified when Yuuri at last reached for a square envelope.  “It’s not a whole lot, but I think you’ll appreciate it. You’ll see part two later.”

Curious, Yuuri pulled back the flap of the envelope and took out a fairly large card from within.  He opened the card to see an array of notes, all in different handwriting:

 

_Happy birthday, Katsuki.  Try not to drink too much at your party - we all know what happens when you do that ;)_

_Happy Birthday, Yuuri!!  We miss you! ~Mila_

_Yuuri K. -- Happy birthday from Yakov and Lilia._

_Get your memories back soon, will you?  I can’t beat you if you’re not skating._ _Also happy birthday_

_You’re old, ha-ha.  But also I hope you have an amazing birthday!  And I hope you get your memories back soon. Even if you don't, you're still my best friend.  Love, Phichit_

 

Almost a dozen more messages from other people - skaters, he assumed - filled the card.  People he may not have even been that close with, but who took time to write him a note all the same.  Once again, Yuuri’s heart softened. It didn’t matter that he didn’t remember these people right now. What mattered was that despite that, they continued to love and support him.

“I got as many people to sign as possible before it had to be mailed back,” Mari mentioned.  “But yeah, those are a lot of the people you’ve been skating with.”

Yuuri stood and threw his arms around his sister.  “Thank you,” he mumbled.

He could hear the affectionate smirk in her tone.  “You’re welcome, little brother.”

“I also brought these!” his mother interjected, walking up with a small stack of videotapes in her hands.

“What are those?”

“Home videos, of course,” his mother said as she inserted the first one into Minako’s VHS player.  

Mari raised an eyebrow.  “I didn’t think anyone still had VHS stuff.”

Both Minako and Hiroko turned to her disapprovingly.  Minako waved a hand. “Don’t judge me, I like to keep my old things.”  Mari shrugged as if to say, ‘Fair enough.’

“You didn’t think I would get rid of these, did you?” their mother chided.  She turned on the television and had Minako help her put it on the right setting.  A baby Yuuri and a young Mari appeared on screen. Yuuri was waddling around in a diaper and screaming while Mari chased him.

A chorus of _‘awww’_ s sounded throughout the room, the loudest being from Victor.  Yuuri hid his face in his hands, and he was suddenly jostled by Victor hugging him from the side.  “You were so cute and chubby!” Yuuri groaned, and Victor laughed at his embarrassment.

The video must have jumped to another year soon after, as he heard Minako sniff and blubber, “That feels like yesterday.”  Yuuri peeked through his fingers, relieved to see he was no longer a half-naked toddler, but a fully-dressed child. He was taking ballet lessons from Minako in her studio, both concentration and enjoyment etched into his features.  Victor squealed.  Apparently he was unable to get over Yuuri’s alleged adorableness.

“We’re out of snacks,” one of the girls piped up.  

“Axel,” Yuuko reprimanded.  “That isn’t very polite.”

Minako stood from her chair.  “Oh, no worries! I was going to go get some more in a second anyway.”  She took the empty platter and headed into the kitchen for a minute. “Yuuri, will you pass this to the little ones?” Minako said when she returned.

“Sure,” Yuuri said with a nod, and he stood to take the tray from her.  He was about to pass it in the triplets’ direction when something on the screen caught his eye: the video had changed now to his thirteenth birthday party.  Yuuri watched his younger self excitedly rip open a present.

 _“Your very own pair of ice skates!”_ his mother said from behind the camera.   _“You don’t have to borrow from Yuuko anymore!”_

Little Yuuri’s face lit up with glee. _“Now I can be just like Victor!”_

Yuuri’s heart stopped dead in his chest, eyes glued to the screen, body frozen in disbelief.  He remembered. He remembered it all. The first moment he stepped onto the ice, all those hours spent skating with Yuuko and Takeshi, his adoration of the legendary Victor Nikiforov, training with Phichit under Celestino, competing in front of hundreds, falling in love, the joy, the anxiety, the determination, the pain, the freedom.

The platter fell from his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surpriiiise, there’s one more chapter after this one :D I didn't plan it that way, but here we are.
> 
> A HUGE thank-you to [Gia](http://www.madlepus.tumblr.com) for helping me with this chapter, and to [Ely](http://www.chat-noir-chocolat.tumblr.com) as well! Without them, I might still be stuck with writer's block.
> 
> As always, comments are greatly appreciated! And thank you guys for your patience with this update <3
> 
> EDIT: IT'S BEEN SO FREAKIN LONG SINCE I WORKED ON THIS FIC THAT I FORGOT TO POST AIVELIN'S [ART](http://aivelin.tumblr.com/post/170919321856/commission-of-devwrites22-yoi-fanfiction-what) THAT THEY DID FOR ME! It's from a scene in chapter 3 - please check it out, it's so gorgeous.
> 
> Tumblr: [@devwrites22](http://www.devwrites22.tumblr.com)


	8. Chapter 8

“So? Are you going to tell us all about it or what?” Phichit was bouncing with excitement, the silver medal around his neck swaying with the movement. Yurio didn’t look as enthused, but he leaned in closer to hear the story all the same. The light from the chandeliers of the banquet hall glinted off of his own medal, sending gold sparkles across Yuuri’s vision.

Victor returned to his side, champagne glasses in hand. He gave one to Yuuri with a kiss on his cheek. Yuuri smiled at him in thanks, and then said to Phichit and Yurio, “I’ll tell you everything after the party, deal?”

Phichit sighed. “Okay, okay, deal.” He then pulled Yuuri into a tight hug for the third time that night, jostling Yuuri and causing the liquid in his glass to come dangerously close to spilling. “I’m so glad you’re here!”

Yuuri grinned. “Me, too. You have no idea. And I’m really proud of you, Phichit.”

Phichit had skated beautifully during the Grand Prix Final, as had Yurio; their medals were much deserved. Victor and Yuuri had flown into Bucharest to watch the competition as soon as they could, and Yuuri was proud of the fact that they’d kept it a secret from everyone - especially Phichit - so they could surprise them when they showed up.

God, he missed competing. Since the memory of his skating career had returned, and especially now that he was attending the banquet that followed the conclusion of the Grand Prix, the need to be out on the ice again was hitting him full-force. Skating was so much a part of him that he felt incomplete without it, as if one of his arms was gone. On top of that, he was extremely out of practice.

It was still strange in some ways, even after a couple days of having his memories back. Yuuri had been frozen in shock the moment it happened. He'd vaguely heard shouting as shards of glass scattered across the floor, but the sounds were muffled by the deafening silence in his head. He felt as though he was waking up from a dream, one that lasted entirely too long. Everything was suddenly clear again. Everything made sense.

Then a hand had softly pressed on his shoulder, and Yuuri jumped and turned. His breath caught in his throat as his eyes landed on Victor’s worried face. _Victor_. His husband-to-be. The man he was deeply in love with. The man who had stood beside him throughout all of this, no matter how difficult it became.

The tears were unstoppable after that.

After the initial shock and concern passed, the remainder of his party had been more of a celebration of his memories returning than his birthday. Yuuri didn’t mind one bit. And although at first he wasn’t thrilled about the many questions that were thrown his way about what was going on now in his head, he understood that this was a big deal to everyone.

Needless to say, it was a big deal for him, too. Everything finally felt like it was back to the way it should be. Those endless hours spent agonizing about the missing pieces of his life were over. Gone was the fear of the future. Gone was the uncertainty of his own identity. Gone was the desperate wish that the faint feeling of love for skating and for Victor would manifest into something more. For the first time in weeks, he felt whole.

“There he is!” Yuuri heard Christophe’s voice before he saw him emerge from a small crowd of people to their right. He gave Yuuri a friendly shove on the shoulder, some champagne this time spilling over the edge of Yuuri’s glass. “How are you feeling?”

Yuuri gave him a small smile. “I’m doing well, thank you.”

“And where have you been?” Yurio said, more of a demand than a question.

Chris smirked. “Just having a bit of fun.” He glanced pointedly toward the back of the room, and Yuuri followed his gaze to an attractive man combing his fingers through mussed hair. He blushed at the implication, not because Chris having sex was anything new or surprising, but because it was borderline embarrassing how difficult it was for him to keep his own hands off Victor these past couple of days. Could anyone blame him, though? His gorgeous fiancé was right there, _and he remembered him_. Besides, they had quite a bit of lost time to make up for.

Victor snorted. “Nice.”

“Thank you.” Chris turned back to Yuuri. “Have you gotten in front of any cameras yet?”

Yuuri shook his head. “Not yet.” He knew he needed to, but he had been hiding his face and avoiding people as much as possible so far. It was only a matter of time before someone from the media swept in, though, unless Yuuri went to them first. There were plenty of opportunities to do so right at this banquet. And by ‘opportunities,’ Yuuri meant ‘close calls.’

It was shortly after Mari showed him the second part of his birthday gift - his bedroom, put back together exactly the way it had been before she'd taken all his posters and pictures down - that he and Victor found out two things: the paparazzi photos taken of them the day before had surfaced, and the triplets had already posted about Yuuri’s regaining his memory on just about every social media platform there was. Christophe had called Victor about it, and he'd spoken so loudly Yuuri could hear him even from where he was standing.

_“One second I’m reading an article about how you’re broken up, and the next I’m retweeting a photo of you two sucking face with a caption about Yuuri’s amnesia going away, so what’s the truth?”_

Normally he avoided social media, but curiosity had quickly taken Yuuri over. While Victor was on the phone with Christophe, Yuuri had briefly scrolled through Twitter. The skating community was in an absolute frenzy; many were arguing about the alleged breakup, many others celebrating that Yuuri was healing, but the overwhelming majority of people were confused and even upset about the conflicting tales.

 

 **lizaMJ** _What the hell is even going on? Are we being trolled? Tell me they’re not breaking up._

 **skatrr218** _@lizaMJ I mean, one thing is an article in an online magazine notorious for blowing things out of proportion for shock value, and the other is a tweet from the Nishigori triplets themselves, so make of that what you will_

 **Katsunikiforestski** _@skatrr218 Both pictures seem legit to me though so they probably at least fought…_

 **ThatOneSkatingFan** _Guys, who cares about a stupid fight? That’s private and shouldn’t have been published anywhere anyway. Don’t you ever argue with your significant other? Everyone spitting out crazy theories and tweeting at them needs to leave them alone._

 **amigirl** _Thank god about Yuuri! I was there when the accident happened, it was honestly terrifying. To hear that he’s recovered is such a relief._

 **Nikiforovvv** _Thank you_ _lordddd_ _, Katsuki’s okay (also does this mean Victor’s coming back??)_

 **therealstar** _I’d kind of understand if Victor left Yuuri. Imagine staying with someone who has no idea who you are_

 **Erosz** _@therealstar Well that was a horrible thing to say._

 **jjsqueen** _I’m real confused, how do stories so wildly different appear on the same damn day? Does Yuuri remember Victor or not? Are they separated or still together? I need details..._

 

Clearly, he and Victor had some damage control to do before this mess got dragged out any longer. Christophe told them as much, as had Yakov at every opportunity he got. They had finally gotten the coach off their backs enough to enjoy the party with the other skaters, at least for now.

“We will,” Victor assured him with a wave of his hand.

Phichit’s eyebrow was raised. “Seriously, you have to at least tell me what happened there.”

“Did you guys actually break up?” said Yurio.

Christophe scoffed. “Don’t be ridiculous, of course they didn’t.”

“We didn’t,” Yuuri confirmed. “We were just…”

“Caught at a bad moment,” Victor finished for him. Yuuri nodded.

“Yuuri!” Yuuri turned and smiled at the sound of Mila’s voice. She was trailed by Sara and sporting a gold medal. The Russians were evidently unbeatable this season. Yuuri swore he felt pride emanating from Victor.

“Hello,” he greeted them both warmly.

“Mila! Sara! Good job!” Phichit exclaimed.

Sara smiled widely. “Thanks, Phichit.”

“I’m glad your brain’s all better,” Mila said.

Yuuri chuckled at the phrasing. “Thanks. I am, too.”

“So Yuuri,” Chris said, and Yuuri looked at him warily upon detecting the impish tone in his voice, “are you going to pole dance for us tonight or what?”

Yuuri instantly felt his cheeks heat up, along with the desire to disappear into thin air. He opened his mouth to respond, but then he caught a flash of movement that was unmistakably a journalist making her way through the crowd to him. He’d been spotted. “Will you guys excuse us for one moment?” Yuuri promptly grabbed Victor’s arm and bolted for the nearest door, Victor squawking in surprise at the sudden jolt.

“Too much?” he heard Chris say to someone.

They found themselves in a small supply closet, as opposed to the hallway outside the banquet room where Yuuri thought he was taking them. It was too late to turn back now, though. Victor had that look on his face that often appeared whenever Yuuri did something he found to be both cute and amusing. “Are we hiding from the press?” Yuuri nodded, and Victor chuckled. “People know you’re here, you aren’t going to be able to avoid them all night.”

“I know,” Yuuri groaned. His eyes darted to the door. How long should he give it before he could deem it safe to come out? Two minutes? Five? Ten?

“Well,” Victor purred, “while we’re stuck in here…” His hands rested on Yuuri’s hips, and he kissed the back of his neck.

It was good to know they were both on the same page in that regard.

Yuuri turned around and leaned up to kiss Victor’s lips, his entire being reacting with enthusiasm to the simple gesture. Some of the feelings he’d had during the time of his amnesia had lingered; the sensation of newly falling in love mixed with the older, deeper adoration he knew. He breathed in through his nose, committing every detail of Victor’s smell and taste and feel to memory. This was something he never wanted to forget again.

There were other things he didn’t ever want to forget, too. With no small amount of willpower, Yuuri pulled away from Victor’s mouth. Victor gave a pitiful whine. “Come back here.”

Yuuri kissed his chin. “Patience, Vitya.” Victor shivered at Yuuri’s use of the nickname. Yuuri moved his lips to Victor’s neck, and then his chest. He then lifted Victor’s hand and kissed the inside of his wrist, and even in the dim light of the closet, Yuuri could tell Victor’s cheeks turned pink. He smiled to himself. It was a known fact that charm and allure came effortlessly to Victor, and oftentimes it left Yuuri speechless. So the times when Yuuri succeeded in turning his handsome Russian into a blushing mess were a triumph.

He kept Victor’s wrist in his hand, taking the other to hold them both together securely, but not so tightly Victor couldn’t break the hold if he wanted to. By the glint in Victor’s eye, he had no intention of doing so. Yuuri slowly sank to his knees and winked up at him as he unfastened the buttons of his pants, and Victor’s breath caught in his chest. The gorgeous, silver-haired man apparently found it an incredible turn-on whenever Yuuri’s _eros_ shone through and he took control. Not that he didn’t also love when Yuuri was submissive. Victor wasn’t hard to please.

Yuuri pulled Victor's pants and underwear down to his mid-thighs and peppered kisses on his legs, inching closer and closer to his groin.  He took Victor's cock in his hand and gave it a few strokes, feeling it harden under his touch. “People might hear us,” Victor said, and once again Yuuri inwardly grinned at the way Victor’s voice trembled.

Yuuri dipped his head, swirling his tongue around the tip of Victor’s length, and said flirtatiously, “Then I guess we’re going to have to be quiet.”

* * *

Despite Yuuri’s attempt to hide from the cameras and journalists - an attempt they both thoroughly enjoyed - the news crews quickly caught up to him, and Yuuri resigned to speaking with them about the past couple weeks. Victor joined him, as he predicted they would have questions for him, too. Phichit, Yurio, Christophe, Mila, Sara, and even more skaters who had taken notice of the commotion all gathered to watch them.

Even with the somewhat unwanted media attention, Victor couldn’t stop smiling tonight. He was with his fellow skaters. His beloved remembered him again. And, most of all, Yuuri was truly happy. That was all he cared about in the entire world.

Panic had coursed through Victor’s veins when Yuuri froze during his birthday celebration. Everyone in the room lurched toward him as soon as the tray fell to the floor, but they all hesitated. Including Victor. He couldn’t see Yuuri’s face enough to gauge what was going on, and part of him was afraid of doing something that would set him off.

A moment later, though, he couldn’t resist. And when Yuuri turned to face him, there was recognition in his wide, watery eyes. Before Victor could even open his mouth to say his name, Yuuri had thrown his arms around him so forcefully that Victor scrambled to brace himself against toppling over. Yuuri was weeping, face buried in Victor’s neck and body shaking with sobs. Victor had automatically wrapped his arms around Yuuri, holding him just as tightly as Yuuri was hugging him.

Part of him was frozen in disbelief, unsure if he saw that look in Yuuri’s eyes correctly. Unsure if it was too good to be true. “Yuuri?” he finally managed to say, pulling away just enough to look at him. He studied that beautiful face, searching for an answer.

Yuuri didn’t respond at first, instead surging forward and kissing Victor with such passion that it made him dizzy. “I remember you,” Yuuri said against his lips before kissing him again and again. His fingers tangled into Victor’s hair.

It took a moment for the words to process. _I remember you._ But then it hit him, and all of a sudden Victor was crying too, and his heart was on fire, and it was all he could do to not to leap around and yell with delight. The rest of the world disappeared. Suddenly all that existed was his Yuuri, and those three words that sent his soul soaring.

_He remembers me he remembers me he remembers me he remembers me!_

Minutes could have passed, or only seconds, Victor had no idea. But the sound of one of the triplets pointedly clearing her throat had transported him back into reality. He and Yuuri separated to see everyone staring at them, most doing so with a mixture of shock and relief and elation. Yuuri, who surprisingly didn’t seem embarrassed by the display of passion, wiped his eyes with the backs of his hands.

There had been a moment of silence, and then a burst of cacophonous excitement as everybody talked over themselves, the adults all moving in to hug Yuuri. Victor stepped back to give them more room. Minako, though, grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled him in to embrace both of them at the same time. No one else waited for their turn, and Victor and Yuuri became engulfed in the middle of a group hug. The triplets squeezed their way in, too. “Finally,” Victor heard one of them say.

“Give him some air, guys,” Mari’s voice had come from somewhere to Victor’s left. The pack split up, allowing Yuuri some space to breathe.

Hiroko’s eyes glistened with happy tears. “I’m so glad for you,” she said. “How do you feel?”

“Are you okay?” Toshiya had added. Of all the people in the room, he appeared the most hesitant. Victor looked at Yuuri again, waiting for him to respond. In all the joy and excitement, Victor hadn’t thought to ask.

Yuuri nodded. “I think so.” He looked at each person in the room, his eyes alight with something like relief. Victor had opened his mouth to ask Yuuri if he needed anything, but Yuuri suddenly gasped. “Minako, your platter!” He knelt and began to pick up the large pieces of glass from the broken tray.

Minako rushed in. “Don’t worry about that, Yuuri, I’ll clean it up.” Victor caught a glimpse of Hiroko and Takeshi splitting off, presumably to search for a vacuum or dustpan. “You sit down.”

“Actually,” Yuuri said slowly as he stood back up, “does anyone mind if I get some fresh air?”

The room was filled with ‘Not at all’s and ‘Of course not’s. Yuuri had locked eyes with Victor before he headed for the back door, and Victor took that as an indication he wanted him to follow.

“Yuuri, are you sure you’re- ?” Victor’s words had been cut off by Yuuri’s lips the instant they stepped onto the back porch. A muffled squeak escaped him, surprised by the sudden action. Surprised, but definitely not complaining. Yuuri’s tongue quickly found its way into Victor’s mouth, and his fingers curled tightly around the collar of his shirt. Victor let Yuuri press him against the wall of the house, stifling a groan at the fire that was beginning to ignite in his groin. Yuuri kissed with intensity, like he wanted to taste and feel as much of Victor as he could, and Victor was happy to oblige.

Gradually, the kisses became softer, more languid. Victor cupped Yuuri’s face in his palms, and though he was still against the wall, Yuuri was no longer holding him there. Finally, they’d broken apart.

Tears had filled both Victor’s and Yuuri’s eyes again as they gazed at each other. What was it like, Victor wondered, to truly _see_ someone again after not knowing them for so long? What was it like to finally recapture the memories that had been washed away?

“My Victor,” Yuuri whispered. “I can’t believe I ever forgot you.”

“I knew you would remember,” Victor whispered back.

“Even if I didn’t, you would love me all the same.” There was certainty in Yuuri’s tone, and Victor realized all over again just how deep their bond ran.

“Of course I would.” He kissed Yuuri’s forehead.

Yuuri’s eyes fell closed. “Thank you for being there for me.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t sooner,” Victor murmured. Then, just to be sure, he asked, “Are you positive you’re feeling okay?”

Yuuri had paused, considering the question. “It’s… kind of overwhelming. But good, at the same time.”

“Overwhelming?” Victor prompted, offering for Yuuri to talk through this if he needed to.

“A big portion of my life was gone for a while and then suddenly back again,” Yuuri continued. “It’s just kind of a lot to process all at once.”

He took a deep breath of the cold winter air and then moved to lean against the wall beside Victor, taking Victor’s hand. They both looked out at Minako’s garden. Victor had been here before during the springtime, when it was teeming with life. Plants of bright green bore flowers of pinks and purples and oranges. A small pond was home to a handful of koi. Right now, though, the area was mostly barren. _Yet somehow still beautiful_ , Victor thought.

“Do you feel different?” Victor asked.

“In a way,” Yuuri answered. “All the vulnerability and uncertainty and all of that… it was so real in the moment, but now it all seems pointless. I don’t know, it’s almost like I wasn’t really myself. And technically… I sort of wasn’t. But at the same time I still was. Does that make any sense at all?”

Victor nodded. “I think it does.” He kissed Yuuri again, his temple this time, and nuzzled into his hair. He just couldn’t stop touching him.

Yuuri had leaned into Victor’s touch, and a second later Victor felt his fingers gently stroking the hair at the back of his head. “I love you so much, Victor. I can’t imagine living the rest of my life without knowing you.”

Victor’s lips had quirked into a crooked smile. “You don’t have to. Because guess who has his memories back?”

Yuuri smirked. “It’s me.”

“It’s you!”

Yuuri giggled. He turned to face Victor and kissed him once more. “God, you’re amazing. When do I get to marry you, again?”

“Don’t tell me that little piece of information is still gone,” Victor had joked, eliciting another laugh from Yuuri.  When was the last time he had laughed this freely?

“April couldn’t come soon enough.”

At that moment, the back door had slid open. Victor and Yuuri both looked in that direction, neither of them bothering to make it look like they hadn’t been all over each other a minute ago. It was Yuuko who had poked her head out. “Everything okay out here?”

Yuuri turned his bright smile to her. “Yes,” he’d said, “everything is perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! (I'm finally back with an update!) So my Amnesia AU has come to a close. Honestly I can't believe I'm done, I've spent so much time on this fic and it's really been an absolute joy to write. I want to thank each of you so much for taking the time to read my work all the way through. 
> 
> I’m suuuper curious to hear your thoughts! Did anything make you laugh? Cry? Any favorite parts? Let me know! It would honestly make my day. 
> 
> If you want to read more from me, I’m still working on my College AU, and I’ve got some more fics (for YoI and other fandoms) in the works right now! 
> 
> Follow me on [Tumblr](http://www.devwrites22.tumblr.com) for more! I love answering asks about my fics, like [this one](https://devwrites22.tumblr.com/post/177498253967/4-7-for-what-the-heart-cant-forget-for-the), and I sometimes write little drabbles and post updates and whatnot. 
> 
> Thanks everyone :D


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